For the ladies

There is an Australian sex worker on Twitter who tweets "sarcastic advice on how to impress a hooker". She uses the hashtag #HowToImpressAHooker on all her tweets and gets tons of hysterical replies and contributions from other sex workers, making for an enjoyable read.

I'm sure we can all relate…

http://twitter.com/#!/impressa_hooker


#HowToImpressAHooker When she calls you to cancel 8 hrs before the appointment, threaten to write a NCNS review to teach her a lesson.

#HowToImpressAHooker tell her what you are willing to pay! Less than half her fee! She's desperate after all!

#howtoimpressahooker Ask a million questions before telling them you don't pay and asking if they will be your "fuck buddy". Be persistent.

#HowToImpressAHooker Manipulate or threaten her to compromise her rules and safety. After all, you are the customer.

#HowToImpressAHooker Write a review. Don't forget to embellish it with detailed explicit descriptions of things she never, ever does.

#howtoimpressahooker ask her questions already answered on her website

#HowToImpressAHooker Hey dude, you know the 678 text messages you've already sent me and I've ignored? Another one ain't going to change my mind.

#HowToImpressAHooker Push the boundaries, and then tantrum when pulled up. It's so different, they'll marvel at your originality.

#HowToImpressAHooker Explain how much you value confidentiality - then badger them for specifics about what they do with other clients.

#HowToImpressAHooker Call an escort to explain their rates are double your local brothel, shout abuse if they dont offer to price match.

#HowToImpressAHooker Fail to understand the difference between you being too poor to afford a particular escort and them charging too much.

#HowToImpressAHooker Turn up to your local brothel when you know you have quite the obvious STI. When caught out in the health check - shrug

#HowToImpressAHooker Text when it says no text messages she really love that

#HowToImpressAHooker On phone boast about how rich you are and money is no issue, when they arrive offer a drink - tap water in a dirty jar.

#HowToImpressAHooker Ask her to turn around for doggie, keep trying to "slip" into anal - clearly they wont feel the difference.

#HowToImpressAHooker Be sure to tell her REPEATEDLY how much money you have. She's buying EVERY word of it

#HowToImpressAHooker When their voicemail says they do not answer private numbers, call repeatedly for 20min - it will show you are genuine.

#HowToImpressAHooker Ask how many people they have already seen that day; too many= shagged out, not enough=not good enough to be popular.

#HowToImpressAHooker Have them travel to you, when they arrive take them to bathroom as your brother is asleep - only have half their fee.


And my personal favorite…

#howtoimpressahooker make sure you harass her every chance you get on the boards shows how much of a gentlemen you are & she is impressed

that is funny


does it have, tell her ya love her and want to marry & have kids with at the end of first time with.

I hear about that one way to many times.

If this is for the ladies, shouldn't it be in the ladies area?

Although, I did get a laugh at OSD's hearing the one about love, marriage & kids..... Just who is HE providing to?

what! I provide bat removal and other deeds to providers.

I also sell & give away condoms at bars & strip clubs. Giveaways only if ya leave the area with ya honey to do that night. See Monroe county gives out free at some bars and strip clubs. The condoms have a number on them to so they know where given out. And they pay folks to find them used and note where found. Or where they clogged the sewer system. Just doing my part for ya all mmmm I need some more giveaways. Where is that free condom county van. Well I did read in the paper they may stop that.something about the little fuckers keep showing up in the wrong places. hehehehe Crap the van still shows up at city HS's and JHS's. But would not give me. errrr only underage deal. Your tax at work.

Edit: they also use to giveaway at parks. Dude/gal what ya going to with that free condom. Well we going over there and use it. mmmm I'll give ya x # free from ones I got somewhere other for the ones ya got here. Ahhh ok

*DIES LAUGHING *

what! I provide bat removal and other deeds to providers.

I also sell & give away condoms at bars & strip clubs. Giveaways only if ya leave the area with ya honey to do that night. See Monroe county gives out free at some bars and strip clubs. The condoms have a number on them to so they know where given out. And they pay folks to find them used and note where found. Or where they clogged the sewer system. Just doing my part for ya all mmmm I need some more giveaways. Where is that free condom county van. Well I did read in the paper they may stop that.something about the little fuckers keep showing up in the wrong places. hehehehe Crap the van still shows up at city HS's and JHS's. But would not give me. errrr only underage deal. Your tax at work.

Edit: they also use to giveaway at parks. Dude/gal what ya going to with that free condom. Well we going over there and use it. mmmm I'll give ya x # free from ones I got somewhere other for the ones ya got here. Ahhh ok Originally Posted by offshoredrilling

County condoms found in the wrong place


Condom for Bat removal?


How county condoms get used in the parks

LOL Tiger

Ya it was fun. It was summer before many county office seats where up to vote in the fall. One side or was it the other sayin we going to end this and clean the streets. Well ya just not going to stop some from what they do. So part of the program was to give free condoms out where condom where part of the street litter. So as to close this or that bar. Reason for more enforcement at some parks. Soon a underground free condom exchange was up and running. condoms given out near strip clubs showing up near parks where the gay boys roam. As condom given out at that park would show up near the clubs. Condom given out near bars on the west side show up near bars on the east side as east side condom where found on the west side. Condoms from bars where errr anyways show up at parks used as lovers lane. As lover lane condoms could found at mmm free will bars(ya that it LOL) And so that program was scrapped. And the free condom county van soon went back to the schools only. but one of these years, I bet they try again. LOL

I must have gone to the wrong schools and bars. I have never found the free ones.
It is funny the condoms were exchanged so there could be no prisoners.

Damn why do i always have to buy mine at the strip clubs!!! WTF

errrr sorry about that mam
anyway, does it have the instant love anywhere in it?????

that is funny


does it have, tell her ya love her and want to marry & have kids with at the end of first time with.

I hear about that one way to many times. Originally Posted by offshoredrilling

errrr sorry about that mam
anyway, does it have the instant love anywhere in it?????
Originally Posted by offshoredrilling

How many times do i have to tell you OSD stay on topic for that you get your hand slapped!!! Ok put your hand out!!! SMACK!!! That will teach you to stay on topic Please!!

#HowToImpressAHooker say on topic!

gee vern I sure hope I remember this time.

Lmfao I just recently wrote an alert on someone doing a bunch of these things but he one upped them by telling me what he thought he should pay while on his way. He called, left voicemails, filled out 10 contact sheets on my site, and came to my hotel parkinglot to leave me a voicemail saying he was playing fireman in his car and going to rub it on every driverside door handle of every car in the lot with NY plates after I told him to F the F off and go F himself or see some trashy street walker with aids.

Lmfao I just recently wrote an alert on someone doing a bunch of these things but he one upped them by telling me what he thought he should pay while on his way. He called, left voicemails, filled out 10 contact sheets on my site, and came to my hotel parkinglot to leave me a voicemail saying he was playing fireman in his car and going to rub it on every driverside door handle of every car in the lot with NY plates after I told him to F the F off and go F himself or see some trashy street walker with aids. Originally Posted by Lexxxy

Thats a F'in sicko if you ask me. I hope you used so of your disenfectant before you opened your door!!