Is Sad Tonight and Not Sure Why I Turned to ECCIE

A good friend and lover of mine, on and off, is leaving to the East Coast to get married. I met this woman eight years ago on Match.com and we fell in love but she never wanted to commit to me. She got married - divorced and came back to a me a couple of years ago. She has been a close friend and lover many times but she decided to leave town to start a new life with some guy see hardly knows. Why is it that the nice guys like me seem to always get dumped on?

We were together the last two nights even with her wearing some sort of engagement ring.. Crazy I know... Anyway she left tonight and I wont see her again unless I get lucky when she comes back to visit family...

I've got to move on and decide do I want to turn back to Match.com or just play the eccie field and enjoy guiltless sex.

Sorry if this makes no sense but guess I just wanted to vent out some stuff of mine tonight. I'm very sad and frustrated with relationships.

Hang in there man.

It makes a lot of sense, man. Don't stress your post. It's genuine and sincere. Having said that...my recommendation (for what it's worth) is to stop seeing her - especially since she seems to string you along and is engaged/married. I would never want to break up a marriage.

Re your Match.com (et al) vs. ECCIE statement. I'm in the same boat. I want a real life girlfriend, but I've had zero success since my last divorce. I decided to hobby to keep my dumb ass away from pain and misery (i.e., a relationship), but like a moth to a flame, I keep longing for love and security. It is the one thing I desire most (yet can't seem to attain).

Time to cue up a Depeche Mode love song.

"Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead" might be a really good choice of viewing when posting this type of content seems like the right idea.

Not demeaning this post at all, but simply thinking of possible solutions/escapes to your problem.

If I understand this right, she was with you intimately within days of being married, and is keeping that a secret from her fiance.

Everything NeoTek said and...

I give you some tough bro love:

Do you want to be in that situation in the future as her husband or fiance being cheated on?

She's not marriage material yet, and doesn't truly value a life-long partner relationship. Sadly, she will make any man miserable as he goes in expecting to invest himself emotionally towards building a life with her. Pray/hope/wish that she gets the professional help to deal with her issues.

I've seen it with women I've loved, and from women who've confided in me about their inability to settle down, or stay loyal, and wonder about this one and that one.

Try treasuring the good memories of the two of you together, and be careful out there: sometimes the husbands shoot to kill.

Also, I wonder about your comments about being a nice guy... Has she complained that the other men treated her poorly? Her fiance?

From a song I started writing just the other day:
She's got "daddy issues". And I love her anyway. That's the breaks.
Haven't sorted out*yet if I can love a normal girl.

P.S. I recommend a healthy waiting period before dating a civilian. It'll save YOU some guilt from breaking their hearts.

Ouch. Sorry you are sad.

To your question about the match.com or eccie ladies, you should focus more on the match.com and real life relationships than guiltless sex with the ladies here. Rebounding with GFE sessions can be even more devastating while you are sad, lonely and vulnerable.

You will pull through. Have a nice cry then get back out there.

Best Wishes.

Take ur time. It will work out...

You have the female equivalent of the emotionally unavailable man.
Start over, friends first, think with the big head.
And if you need to get the pressure off (or if your doctor wants you to take a stress test) call Infamous BJ.

Damn that hurts! I like what BJ said, but I also think that sometimes we need to be alone. Sometimes it's not what we want, but it's necessary.

for some reason you are not the man she wants to be with. it hurts but you have to move on. i had a lady i met online and everything was great... good sex... convo, etc... but it did not work.. besides i was married at the time. now that im seperated, its not the same and she does not even talk to me anymore. i still think about her alot....

do yourself the favor and move on.... try speed dating, it can be very fun...

And now a couple of songs to help us see the light (in a couple different ways):

Band: Youth Of Today
Song: Modern Love Story

A boy a girl a love story
but why did it end in misery
taking our chances getting our thrills
taking and taking but never getting our fill
And this is what I see a modern love story
love defined on our TV
telling us teaching us what we need
are we in love or just so alone
that we're looking for anyone to hold
And this is what I see a modern love story
when the prey is caught, the thrill gone
so we'll switch partners and move along
and we won't use our brains
because our lust is too strong
overlooking the person to whom
the body belongs
And this is what I see a modern love story

Band: VNV Nation
Song: Verum Æternus

If you and I
Had been anything less
Than these tormented souls
We would never have gone so far
To become what we are

If you and I
Had never seen the world
Through the eyes of a child
We would never have wanted to stop time
Sleepers passing by

If you and I
Had been anything less
Than these disenfranchised minds
We would have looked the other way
As we passed each other by

And for the things I know
From the broken who I ask
Is to look beyond this place
Stop staring at the fog
Thinking only what went wrong

I know there are days
Too dark or hard to take
I hope you know
This is just one day you'll have to face
This is not the whole of your life

This is one day
This is one day
This is one day
One day
Out of all of your life

One day
Out of all of your life

My advice: Practice not being the nice guy anymore because they never win! I used to be a nice guy and played by women who would take advantage of me because I was too nice. Blow her off and she will come back - it's happened to me more than once.

In the meantime, get with girls who are not GFE from eccie.

I like the saying, "Time will heal all wounds."

My advice: Practice not being the nice guy anymore because they never win! I used to be a nice guy and played by women who would take advantage of me because I was too nice. Blow her off and she will come back - it's happened to me more than once. Originally Posted by CanDo01

Travelmind...

There's an old expression, sort of a generalization, but true all too often. "Chick's dig assholes." Also known as "nice guys finish last." Seems to me you enabled her to take advantage of you, until such time as something better came along. That sucks for sure, but emotion sometimes clouds our better judgement.

Feel lousy, miss her, grieve the loss etc...it's a natural part of the healing process. Then, pick yourself up, get back out there and find someone who values the nice guy.

As far as Eccie, and the obvious problem is poses...here's my take. I've been single for a while now, and I can honestly say the board serves a purpose outside of dating. But you have to keep things in the proper perspective. When I find a lady that suits me in real life, i float out for a bit to test the relationship waters. Like many, I'm still out there looking. Eccie ladies are fun, but don't confuse this as a substitute for real life intimacy and companionship. That's a recipe for disaster.

Just my $.02. Hope you mend soon.

TP

Travelmind,

Sorry to that - unfortunately, I have been there and done that...

"Time will heal all wounds." Originally Posted by Tara Evans

It does? Apparently I never got that memo.