A Lonely Profession?

Recently, I came across some sad news... a provider friend had committed suicide.

I knew of her depression, yet she had always appeared stable so the news was quite a surprise. In googling her name to learn about arrangements/dates, I stumbled upon a personal yahoo post where she lamented about her loneliness. It was a clear cry for help. She stated unless it improved she would off herself before her upcoming birthday... and unfortunately she did.

Now it seems counter-intuitive that an escort, who has plenty of opportunity to engage a variety of people through her line of work, would be so terribly lonely. Are these emotions common or isolated within the profession?

who has plenty of opportunity to engage a variety of people through her line of work Originally Posted by mwebber

O rly?

Just being in the same room with people is not going to alleviate loneliness. Leaning on clients for emotional support is not a great idea. If you have to lie to a lot of people in your life about what you do, it can be very isolating. Some guy you fuck twice a month is not a cure for that.

A person can spiral into a feeling of hoplessness. Even at my lowest point when I thought "what the hell" I couldn't even get close to suicide. Deep underlying emotional issues are involved when a person reaches the point of suicide. The girls I have seen with the most problems were either abused at a young age or become involved with an abusive man later in life.

Providers can easily become isolated and lonely. There are not many people they can confide in. Many are living a secret second life. The contact with a fucktard is usually purely physical with little emotional interaction.

The hobby is not for the normal.

Pyramider I am very normal and engage in the hobby. I am sure she had depression and other issues going on. We can all be lonely at times, trust me, when I was married it was the loneliest time of my life. Some days the only reason I got up was because I had children.

I dont think the hobby is lonely unless the person, male or female, is too deep into it. You have to have a life other than the hobby. Sometimes I see guys or gals post looking for people to hang out with on a weekend. I think its sad that they for whatever reason have no friends or family outside of this.

Me, well even when traveling with my RL work, I never meet a stranger. I usually end up having dinner with a client after a session--non business, or meet someone out at a bar and grill.

So many providers isolate themselves and only see the men as commodities, and will not do anything, including dinner or hang out, because they arent getting paid. That is a lonely mentality.

Like I said, she probably had other issues, and more than likely her suicide had nothing to do with the hobby.

It will pay for all of us to educate ourselves about depression. It is a real illness--like diabetes, or leukemia, or cancer. It is not about feeling lonely. Or being lonely. Or feeling blue. True depression is a chemical problem. Most people with depression suffer silently because there is a stigma attached to any kind of "mental illness," seeing a psychiatrist, or taking meds for it. People say, "Just look on the bright side of life" which only makes you feel more depressed. If you are truly depressed, there is no bright side of life.

People with professional careers and great family lives suffer from depression. Someone with depression will feel like there is no hope, that not going on is the best route forward and that no one would miss them any way. You feel powerless over everything.

The other thing is that depression doesn't look the same way with everyone. I went for a depression screening a number of years back and the therapist was shocked that I was up and moving around--the number was so high. A little time on an antidepressant plus a good therapist got be back in commission. I stayed on the antidepressant for a couple of years but am no longer on it but I am very sensitive to changes in my mood and irritability and will go back on in a heartbeat if I need to.

I encourage everyone who feels that way to find someone to talk to about it. I am only a PM away if anyone wants to talk more or are not sure if they are truly suffering from it. I am NOT a doctor, but a listening ear that has been there and sometimes that can be the beginning of a breakthrough.

This is an issue I am extremely passionate about. Thanks for bringing it up...It's sad but needs mention.

I have always been a people person it is one of the things that has made me a successful provider so I noticed early on how isolating it can be due to the double life many lead.
Now as a consultant in this business I work very hard to help like minded providers come together ( Thus my new started Provider Only G2G meetings.)
First....
I always suggest to ladies starting that they confide in one some they can trust. I mean someone who you have known in the real world that doesn't judge. In addition to that I also recommend someone build business friends in the industry, doubles partner don't only have to be for the benefit of a client If you feel you don't have anyone to talk with & aren't comfy with doubles then just simply find a provider someone who is like minded in their business approach a reach out. She is probably happen to make friends for the same reasons you are.
Granted don't go telling your new friend all your personal business keep the convo to provider related stuff ( especially when first building the friendship) after all the provider life stuff is what you have no one to chat with about.

Second............
I strongly advocate that providers try to build a business that they truly enjoy with clients they enjoy and ABSOLUTELY NEVER USE YOUR CLIENTS TO UNBURDEN YOURSELF. They have to come to you for that purpose. Don't turn the tables. I always recommend having a part time job or some other source of income to enable you you be more selective in client choice and take some time building a great client base, so you don't get on what I call the "client mill" where you are seeing lots of clients in hopes of finding one or two that you enjoy being with. I am not saying you have to love every client but if you don't enjoy your time with those folks you are going to become depressed and unhappy.

Third..............
I know this will seem cheesy like I am plugging my business but truly this is important. Nothing makes a provider more depressed than if her she feels her business is going belly up, her phone has stopped ringing and she can't support herself at this. So firstly be kind guys in your review process ( remember this is a hobby to yall but a livelihood to them) and ladies if you feel your business is going south consult with someone who can take an objective look at what your doing, give some constructive thoughts and possibly help you find a new direction or resuscitate your provider business. Ad make overs, website makeovers and a new look can go a long way towards that. Also for many older or long term providers learn the new ways business is being done.

LASTLY.................
Depression is a very real problem for many folks not just in this business. Never choose to do what she chose. It hurts so many and leaves scars that never heal. SEEK HELP...even if it means telling your truth to everyone. Suicide is never the answer.

Personally I am always hear to listen to a fellow provider. I am just a PM away.
hugs,
Tia

You can have a bunch of people around you and still be lonely..,,depression strikes all different kinds of people and different walks of life and more than likely this lady had other issues besides the hobby.
The hobby can isolate you from having friends because you have to live the hobby life and real life and for some its tough to make the adjustment.
Ive seen married man that had work friends, wife, kids, and hobby friends but he was still lonely and depressed because he never opened up to any of the people around him and eventually committed suicide,,,Its all about sharing your life , problems, fears, thoughts with someone who cares and some time its hard to find someone to do this with where others never meet a stranger and can share anything.
Too bad someone didn't take the time to reach out to this lady and what a terrible loss.

quote-----You can have a bunch of people around you and still be lonely..,,depression strikes all different kinds of people and different walks of life and more than likely this lady had other issues besides the hobby.


ditto!


The only "negative" feeling I have in doing this is that I am not able to "relish in my accomplishments" with my family.......... I was always the black sheep of the family growing up and it would be nice to be able to be proud of what I have chosen as a career and have them support me!

But at least my eccie family & friends has been able to take up alot of that "slack"!

Kymberlane

makes a lot of sense.....even when after a 2 hr appt, it still surprises me when I am told that they will grab a bite to eat with you, but only at their hrly rate.... I always pass......

I think many of us, on both sides of the hobby aisle, experience loneliness. Let's not sugar-coat it: becoming a sex worker makes you a pariah, an outcast, in the eyes of most "normal", i.e., non-hobby people. A similar cloud falls on mongers. The group of people who understand your life is small and your ability to safely find them is even more remote.

The problem is worse for the single mom providers. Moms of school children are either formally organized (PTA's or room moms) or form informal mutual aid societies, but either way it is hard to keep up the shield of silence and anonymity that protects the secret life. And what group of married women want to include a hot single mom with them.

Mongers are by definition and reality poor sources of emotional support. We aren't spouses, SO's or even BF's. Even if the relationship has become more personal so that it permits some openness, there is little that can be done in the hardest times. Mongers can rarely "be there" when a provider needs that.

Tia has many fine suggestions but the problem is always implementing them. Building relationships is an important social skill. Unfortunately many of either lack those skills or use them poorly.

Depression is a separate but closely related problem. Lonely people do become depressed and the isolation of the disconsulate depressed creates even more loneliness which fuels the depression. Drugs may lift the cloud of depression but they don't create helpful relationships.

Now it seems counter-intuitive that an escort, who has plenty of opportunity to engage a variety of people through her line of work, would be so terribly lonely. Are these emotions common or isolated within the profession? Originally Posted by mwebber

That's ironic because I was thinking to start a post about the importance of mental and psychological stability for escorts

Leaning on clients for emotional support is not a great idea. If you have to lie to a lot of people in your life about what you do, it can be very isolating. Originally Posted by Lovely_Lilianna

Well the type of clients I attract are very very ...whats the word...they want to tell me everything, Everything...so I'm basically their therapist. Now I notice when I start blabbing about my problems they look at me like...yes..now let's get back to Me. Lmao selfish bastards :P

You now as I have matured, it gets really hard living a lie or telling ppl lies. I don't bother lying any more. The truth has come out...and I'm loving it. I love talking to some family members, friends, ppl I may date...how I feel about this lifestyle. I get offers to be "saved" alot, they don't understand I'm not the victim, I'm the sexual predator

The girls I have seen with the most problems were either abused at a young age or become involved with an abusive man later in life. Originally Posted by FlectiNonFrangi

Say NO to abusive fruitloops that come in clever disguises

Providers can easily become isolated and lonely. There are not many people they can confide in. Many are living a secret second life. The contact with a fucktard is usually purely physical with little emotional interaction. Originally Posted by pyramider

Yes to the first part. But my clients become very very emotional the longer they see me....years. I cringe when I start hearing the L word. Because I protect my heart

The hobby is not for the normal. Originally Posted by pyramider

LMFAO

no further comment

You have to have a life other than the hobby.

Me, well even when traveling with my RL work, I never meet a stranger. I usually end up having dinner with a client after a session--non business, or meet someone out at a bar and grill.

So many providers isolate themselves and only see the men as commodities, and will not do anything, including dinner or hang out, because they arent getting paid. That is a lonely mentality. Originally Posted by kymberlane

It is very very important to keep a balanced life, no matter what your work. Even if you love your work, it will become a burden if it's all you got.

I have no problem meeting strangers, am very social, but maybe it is strange that I never choose to engage in meaningless casual relationships w them. Very turned off by that.

But maybe because I really reaaaaaaaaly value my time now. Ahem $$$$$$$

I always suggest to ladies starting that they confide in one some they can trust. I mean someone who you have known in the real world that doesn't judge.

Second............
I strongly advocate that providers try to build a business that they truly enjoy with clients they enjoy. I always recommend having a part time job or some other source of income to enable you you be more selective in client choice and take some time building a great client base, so you don't get on what I call the "client mill" where you are seeing lots of clients in hopes of finding one or two that you enjoy being with. I am not saying you have to love every client but if you don't enjoy your time with those folks you are going to become depressed and unhappy. Originally Posted by MagnificMedia

It is very therapeutic to share with someone especially outside the hobby. Even if they don't understand, it just feels good to blab

As for building a business that you love...is a very interesting point. Now you may look around and observe the people who love their work doing well...then you see the other ppl who hate their work but are doing Very well. So what's the difference?

Now money is great. But after you reach a certain income level studies (and my own personal experience) have shown further increase in income makes no difference in increasing happiness.

I see those 24/7 356 days a year type of escorts...and I imagine them locked up in an incall doing just that. Wow, that's not fully living life. Like enslaving yourself ...for what?

Then there are the providers who say they hate the 9-5 jobs, etc but look at their escort business...they are still in the same slave to the hour position. That is if they only see escorting as a business and nothing else.

Kymberlane

makes a lot of sense.....even when after a 2 hr appt, it still surprises me when I am told that they will grab a bite to eat with you, but only at their hrly rate.... I always pass...... Originally Posted by Roothead

Maybe it's just you

Drugs may lift the cloud of depression but they don't create helpful relationships. Originally Posted by awl4knot

Dark chocolate and extended doses of vitamin d helps =)

People die every day...she's no different...

Have known quite a few ladies in the hobby that chose to leave this world...for some it is a lonely world feeling that the only way they can be treated nicely is too be paid for it.

I have been succesful in stopping a few from doing it too....by just listening and being friends
outside the hobby.

Depression is hell, I know all about it....even worse when coupled with the loss of someone
close. Find ANYONE to talk too...and if cant here is a number that works 24/7

1-800-273-8255 Suicide/Help Line