- RochBob
- 12-05-2012, 12:20 PM
By way of explaination this is not meant to be in regard to an actual situation. But a philosophical/theoretical discussion of the question. The assumption is that you have been seeing a provider as a regular for some time before this comes up. I know its come up for Providers with Hobbyists. And I'm sure the reverse has also been true. But what would you do in that situation? Stop seeing the Provider or follow through if both parties are available?
- Zabrina Sarafina
- 12-05-2012, 12:32 PM
she "loves" you as long as you will continue to "support" her
- Chevalier
- 12-05-2012, 12:37 PM
Those are not the only two choices. I pick (c) continue seeing her, without pursuing a permanent civilian relationship.
Love is not necessarily limited to a single object. Even when you define "love" narrowly (as I do) as
That's the catch, of course. It depends on both parties being mature enough to accept what they have rather than go crazy and fuck things up for the other. But that is possible. Not all of the ladies and not all of the clients are crazy. It just seems that way if you read P4P boards.
Love is not necessarily limited to a single object. Even when you define "love" narrowly (as I do) as
1. An intense feeling of deep affectionIt's entirely possible to love a second person, even though you (as I do) also love your spouse and have no interest in leaving the marriage. And love isn't necessarily the same as wanting a permanent civilian relationship. It's entirely possible that the lady could love you and be satisfied with that even if it doesn't lead to more. As long as both parties understand that and are OK with it, there's no need to stop seeing each other.
2. A deep romantic . . . attachment to someone
That's the catch, of course. It depends on both parties being mature enough to accept what they have rather than go crazy and fuck things up for the other. But that is possible. Not all of the ladies and not all of the clients are crazy. It just seems that way if you read P4P boards.
- brandilynn
- 12-05-2012, 01:17 PM
Not going to happen unless its a marketing ploy
- Smoking Monkey
- 12-05-2012, 02:39 PM
If she's a professional provider, I think the odds of that happening are below miniscule!
- JohnnyYanks
- 12-05-2012, 03:03 PM
Renegotiate my rate?
- Jackie S
- 12-05-2012, 03:05 PM
The easiest fix to that situation is to just tell her you will no longer be paying for her "time". Odds are the "love" will fade pretty quickly.
- SinsOfTheFlesh
- 12-05-2012, 03:20 PM
In the nearly 7 years that I have been an escort, I have told three men that I loved them. In all three cases, I never took another envelope from them.
In one situation shortly after I began escorting, I met someone travelling on business who wound up falling in love with. There was never any expectation that a long term relationship would develop. We didn't even live in the same time zone. His business brought him to my city 3 or 4 times a year, and over a period of about three years, anytime he visited my city, I simply dropped everything and spent a few wonderful days with him, no strings attached. We were friends with benefits.
In another situation I met someone and we clicked immediately. We decided to give a relationship a try. I don't know if its irony or just reality, but in spite of having met me as an escort, he simply could not cope with my job once we decided to get serious. About the time I met him, I had been wondering to myself if escorting had jaded me to the point where I couldn't have a normal relationship. So when I met him and we developed feelings for each other, I welcomed it. I just regret that in the end it didn't work out.
And in the third situation, I told him I loved him, but it is more like a love I would feel for an older brother. He's become a best friend, and to be honest, I just can't see him as a client anymore. I adore him, but ours is now a friendship, and not so much a business relationship.
So yes, it does happen. In all honesty, this is a very personal and intimate business. It is inevitable that emotions will occasionally get involved. I hope I never reach a point where emotional involvement becomes impossible. I think if that happens it will be time for me to retire. The real key, is how two people handle their emotions, and in that respect no two situations are alike. Hobby romances more often than not do not end well, but I know of one happily married couple who began as escort/client, and as far as i know, have now been happily married for a few years now.
But the best advice I can give someone is to manage expectations, go slowly, and communicate. Pretty Woman was indeed a work of fiction
In one situation shortly after I began escorting, I met someone travelling on business who wound up falling in love with. There was never any expectation that a long term relationship would develop. We didn't even live in the same time zone. His business brought him to my city 3 or 4 times a year, and over a period of about three years, anytime he visited my city, I simply dropped everything and spent a few wonderful days with him, no strings attached. We were friends with benefits.
In another situation I met someone and we clicked immediately. We decided to give a relationship a try. I don't know if its irony or just reality, but in spite of having met me as an escort, he simply could not cope with my job once we decided to get serious. About the time I met him, I had been wondering to myself if escorting had jaded me to the point where I couldn't have a normal relationship. So when I met him and we developed feelings for each other, I welcomed it. I just regret that in the end it didn't work out.
And in the third situation, I told him I loved him, but it is more like a love I would feel for an older brother. He's become a best friend, and to be honest, I just can't see him as a client anymore. I adore him, but ours is now a friendship, and not so much a business relationship.
So yes, it does happen. In all honesty, this is a very personal and intimate business. It is inevitable that emotions will occasionally get involved. I hope I never reach a point where emotional involvement becomes impossible. I think if that happens it will be time for me to retire. The real key, is how two people handle their emotions, and in that respect no two situations are alike. Hobby romances more often than not do not end well, but I know of one happily married couple who began as escort/client, and as far as i know, have now been happily married for a few years now.
But the best advice I can give someone is to manage expectations, go slowly, and communicate. Pretty Woman was indeed a work of fiction
- Joyce
- 12-05-2012, 03:22 PM
If it was an obvious psycho love crush, I'd leave before it got deeper. It might fill your ego to like that someone likes you that much but would that be fair? If I know, and have been through this, that if someone has way deeper feelings, I feel it better to stop because I feel like I'm using the person and puppy eyes are at me. It also can seem a little scary because you don't know how else they may behave like coming over and pounding on your door, etc.
If it's a generalized love of just being warm and very comfortable with you, like a Mayberry USA adults mental thing, no matter how old you are, where people feel for one another, and not an 'I want you only thing for the future' that's different and so what. I've had people tell me that they love me and I know it isn't a deeper aggressive thing and I understand they like me as a part of there lives. I can love people too, like a family-homey kind of way and friendship - that's just this adultish maturity understanding. I also think that even if one has a deeper hope for you that if you tell, I may not see you, where as you could have kept seeing me, and be glad of something than nothing.
Natural order may have one fall into having something for someone, you can't help it, unconsciously and biologically you want to fill that void. In time, even if you had feelings, one can come across another that really could work out (like at a concert or something were you spotted one another and equal warmth brought you together), and you have been warmed up along the way, and a more real relation can work out, especially if the other has feelings for you. You can't make someone have special love feelings for you, they can't pretend either. That's how this kind of love is.
I think you can keep it like an affair with special love too as Chevelier said as well. There are plenty of stories of one still wanting to 'be the wife in time' though (or husband) feelings/dramas. She'd have to know about this situation to keep it distant and continue to accept it as still that.
If it's a generalized love of just being warm and very comfortable with you, like a Mayberry USA adults mental thing, no matter how old you are, where people feel for one another, and not an 'I want you only thing for the future' that's different and so what. I've had people tell me that they love me and I know it isn't a deeper aggressive thing and I understand they like me as a part of there lives. I can love people too, like a family-homey kind of way and friendship - that's just this adultish maturity understanding. I also think that even if one has a deeper hope for you that if you tell, I may not see you, where as you could have kept seeing me, and be glad of something than nothing.
Natural order may have one fall into having something for someone, you can't help it, unconsciously and biologically you want to fill that void. In time, even if you had feelings, one can come across another that really could work out (like at a concert or something were you spotted one another and equal warmth brought you together), and you have been warmed up along the way, and a more real relation can work out, especially if the other has feelings for you. You can't make someone have special love feelings for you, they can't pretend either. That's how this kind of love is.
I think you can keep it like an affair with special love too as Chevelier said as well. There are plenty of stories of one still wanting to 'be the wife in time' though (or husband) feelings/dramas. She'd have to know about this situation to keep it distant and continue to accept it as still that.
- Old-T
- 12-05-2012, 03:33 PM
It's entirely possible to love a second person, even though you (as I do) also love your spouse and have no interest in leaving the marriage. And love isn't necessarily the same as wanting a permanent civilian relationship. It's entirely possible that the lady could love you and be satisfied with that even if it doesn't lead to more. As long as both parties understand that and are OK with it, there's no need to stop seeing each other.Probably the best answer to this question I have read. Of course most the time a lady--or a guy--says it in this environment they have a degree (often a large degree) of insincerity. But not always. This business is made up of people, and emotions of all sorts develop in people.
That's the catch, of course. It depends on both parties being mature enough to accept what they have rather than go crazy and fuck things up for the other. But that is possible. Not all of the ladies and not all of the clients are crazy. It just seems that way if you read P4P boards.
I have run into this three times in my personal experience, each situation quite different.
One lady I have known for 12 years. After seeing her very regularly for a few years I had to be honest with myself and admit I was in love with her. Before then we had certainly moved from client/provider to real friends, but on my side this went beyond that. We talked about it and it was clear she did not feel the same towards me--I was and would continue to be a close friend, but not more. To those who can only see providers in $$$ terms, she retired years ago and the friendship is going stong.
A second was the reverse. She had had two relationships with guys who could only be described as assholes. She was a good person, and I tried to provide a shoulder for her to cry on during the divorse 5 years ago. That became a friendship, which led to her falling in love with me. I like her a lot as a person & friend, but not romanticly. There too we are still friends, still very close.
The third lady was disowned by her parents when her ex-BF ratted her out to them. She is one of the most genuine, kind people I have ever met. She is also the same age as my daughter. I helped her navigate her way through a number of legal and financial issues after being thrown out of her parents home, and learned a lot about her. I came to love her as a daughter, and essentially "adopted" her. She lived in my home (nothing sexual) for almost two years as she finished her Masters, and I was honored to give her away when she married a very nice man (Yes, they are still married almost six years later and named their son after me. No, he does not know how she and I met.).
Is this all typical? I sincerely doubt it. Am I advocating such things for most folks? Absolutely not. Would I ever suggest looking for this kind of thing? Hell no!!!! But depending on the people, and depending upon how open minded and honest they are with themselves, almost anything can happen.
- Poet Laureate
- 12-05-2012, 03:59 PM
I have given thought to the possibility of falling for a provider, but I honestly have never given thought to one falling for me. So bear with me as I work through this.
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First, if a provider tells me she loves me, I know I will have seen her a number of times. And for me that means I care for her on a personal level too, so it's not too much of a stretch to think that a love relationship could develop.
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Second, any provider I see more than twice will know my financial situation well enough that I won't have to worry that she's a gold digger, cuz I have no gold to dig. If she says she loves me, then she loves me, not my money.
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Third, if I was to consider a long term relationship with a provider, her retiring and us relocating to another city or even another state are absolute musts. I don't want either one of us to have to worry about her being recognized by former clients and all of the drama that could ensue.
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If a provider tells me she loves me (not likely, but hey, someone has to with the lottery too, right?) and is willing to relocate to pursue that love, I would have to think seriously about it. Because in my world, even when I'm with a provider and not a civilian girlfriend, I'm not screwing. I'm making love, and she's getting a part of me. I'm enough of a romantic and enough of a realist to recognize this about myself. So if I've seen a provider often enough that she thinks she loves me, then I've already decided in my mind that she's worth my time outside the hobby if it ever came to that.
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First, if a provider tells me she loves me, I know I will have seen her a number of times. And for me that means I care for her on a personal level too, so it's not too much of a stretch to think that a love relationship could develop.
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Second, any provider I see more than twice will know my financial situation well enough that I won't have to worry that she's a gold digger, cuz I have no gold to dig. If she says she loves me, then she loves me, not my money.
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Third, if I was to consider a long term relationship with a provider, her retiring and us relocating to another city or even another state are absolute musts. I don't want either one of us to have to worry about her being recognized by former clients and all of the drama that could ensue.
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If a provider tells me she loves me (not likely, but hey, someone has to with the lottery too, right?) and is willing to relocate to pursue that love, I would have to think seriously about it. Because in my world, even when I'm with a provider and not a civilian girlfriend, I'm not screwing. I'm making love, and she's getting a part of me. I'm enough of a romantic and enough of a realist to recognize this about myself. So if I've seen a provider often enough that she thinks she loves me, then I've already decided in my mind that she's worth my time outside the hobby if it ever came to that.
- Sweet N Little
- 12-05-2012, 04:00 PM
- thisguy23
- 12-05-2012, 04:09 PM
- Guest121613
- 12-05-2012, 04:23 PM
Love means a lot of different things to different people. I see no problem with a provider saying they love me, it has happened three times in my short time as a hobbiest. I took it to mean they like me a person, and are enjoying the sex too, granted money is exchanged, but not so serious as to change the pay for sex relationship but to love the time we spend together, or to love in the moment. I no longer feel a person should constrain their love or affection to one person but there are different stages to love and to each there own. Sometimes affection and love are synomonous and the line is blurred.
- Pink Floyd
- 12-05-2012, 04:36 PM
I had one girl who I have seen quite often stand in my living room looking me straight in the eye tell me she loved me over and over again. This was after the date and we just stood there in each others arms for a long time. At that moment I felt like she really meant it for there was no other reason to say it the way she did.