Research: Cheating or just sex

I was speaking with a provider that I have the utmost respect for the other day and we got on the subject of adultery. As a married man of almost 30 years I viewed my liasons with her and any other provider I choose to see as adulterous. She however held the opposing view that what we were doing was not adulterous since no emotions were involved and was nothing more then just sex. Fact is over the years I have had this conversation with numerous providers, even some where emotions were involved and surprisingly, at least to me, the majority held this same view. "It's just sex", "Men will be men", "As long as men have a penis, I'll have a job". Personally I still subscribe that what I am doing is biblically wrong if you subscribe to the Christian view of sex outside of marriage which I think most of us would agree is an outdated view considering the world that we live in. And for the record...I'm OK with it. My wife however would probably not subscribe to my point of view and odds are neither would yours.

Two questions I'd like your opinions on...both from a Providers point of view and from a Hobbiest point of view.

1. Is seeing an escort/provider for the purpose of sexual release, i.e. hand job, blow job, intercourse...anything that makes you shoot out the soldiers at break neck speed considered adultery in your book?

2. If you do consider it to be adultery, then why do you do it? If you do not consider it to be adultery in your view, what is it then?

I'll answer my own questions first.

1. Yes it is. I was raised in a conservative Christian home and it was drilled into my head from the time I could remember that sex outside of marriage and sex with anyone other then your spouse was a 1st class ticket to the lake of fire. It's hard to undo 18 years of indoctrination. My old man cheated on my Mom numerous times. She did finally divorce him but for other reasons. I asked her once why she put up with it and her response was "its just sex, besides I was to busy with the house and you kids to give it much thought. It was actually once less thing I had to worry about when it came to your father". I remember being taken a back somewhat by that statement but the older I get, the more I understand where she was coming from.

2. I do it because I love women. I love how they feel, how they taste, how they respond to touch. I love the excitement, the adventure of doing something considered taboo. Its my drug of choice. And I love the danger associated with it and the almost outlaw persona it creates within you. It is also highly addictive, like driving a Porsche 997 GT2 RS across a lake of fire, trippin' on **Bleep** while getting road head from the homecoming queen on your 18th birthday. There are also not enough jungle missions at my job anymore to properly keep the adrenaline coursing through my veins.

What say you?

First off as usual a very well written thread starter.

I will say for myself I personally struggle with this question. I like to tell myself it is just sex but my Christian background tells me otherwise. I justify it to myself by saying it is just sex and I have gone out to get the parts that are missing from my 25 year marriage. I know my wife would consider it adultery and would be very hurt by it. I do still love her and still find her very attractive but her desire has really decreased over the years. I started off trying to have an affair but found the emotional part of it too much and quite frankly the relationship part to consuming.

I then moved to the hobby and find myself fighting to control the very base animal instincts that course through me. I would say if I was being taken care of at home I would not be doing this but I am not really sure if that is true. Your statement about the adventure part is very true.

In the end I fall into the older horny guy scenario. I do know I continue in it purely for the sex side of things.

I never hobbied or even fooled around when I was married and after she cheated on me and left I turned to the hobby for the sex/release without having an emotional connection to be put at risk again. Now after a few years of hobbying and being in relationships at the same time I do see it as cheating because it was always so easy to call a provider when the girlfriend/SO didnt satisfy me or just didnt feel like it.There is a reason I look for GFE providers and have ATFs and tip, I do get a small emotional tie to a provider that will usually always be there for me and knows enough about me to ask the personal questions "about my day".

TLDR:
Sex- no emotion in play
Cheating - emotion in play

I dunno, how would you feel if you find out your wife was seeing a male escort on the side?

I dunno, how would you feel if you find out your wife was seeing a male escort on the side? Originally Posted by target

More power to her. Personally I would love to be in the type of relationship where sex on the side was acceptable and even shared. I've even broached that subject with the wife andand its a big no go. I'm still interested in your view however if you choose to answer the questions.

The definition of adultery is just a question of semantics. I think the real question is whether we see our actions as right or wrong. To me the fundamental issue is trust in the relationship. If the wife trusts that you would not stray, then is it right to violate that trust? I don't think so. If, on the other hand, the wife knows about it, then there is no violation of trust, and everything's great.

What a group to ask about adultery. Talk about a skewed sample. LOL

The definition of adultery is just a question of semantics. I think the real question is whether we see our actions as right or wrong. To me the fundamental issue is trust in the relationship. If the wife trusts that you would not stray, then is it right to violate that trust? I don't think so. If, on the other hand, the wife knows about it, then there is no violation of trust, and everything's great. Originally Posted by TeaBag_Plain

I mostly agree with this. I think by definition it certainly is adultery. And, of course, adultery has a negative connotation associated with the word which comes from classic philosophy and religion. However, whether your actions are truly right or wrong is dependent on your own philosophy and situation, and opinions and conclusions will vary from person to person.

I have a question for the more experienced fellas on this subject: (Assuming most of you are married like me but have decided to stay married even though you hobby for different reasons, and perhaps are older (I'm 29)) Looking back on it, if you could rewind back to your late twenties, would you stay married all over again?

I imagine my reason for starting to hobby isn't much different than most, not getting what I wanted at home (and probably never will), love the excitement of new women, divorce isn't easy, children and financially, etc. I haven't made up my mind to stick it out or cut my losses now, but if I stick it out, I know I will always hobby (drug/adventure sport of choice). Just curious to pick the brains of those who have been through this.

I have a question for the more experienced fellas on this subject: (Assuming most of you are married like me but have decided to stay married even though you hobby for different reasons, and perhaps are older (I'm 29)) Looking back on it, if you could rewind back to your late twenties, would you stay married all over again? Originally Posted by tac0010

If I could rewind back to my late teens, no I would have never gotten married but I would still want my kids. My kids are the best things she ever gave me and she is a terrific Mom. I still love her, just not like I used to if that makes any sense. All things considered I'd probably still be with her.

This is quite a topic.
On a black and white perspective, hobbibg is adultery lets be honest.That aside, what drives us and are we seeing this manly "sport" as wrong or right should be the only question. To be honest I would be a bit suprised if my lady went to a Pro.
Now as for the why, I guess in my case my lady sometimes is not in the mood, she is too tired or in her days and no matter how much I work her it is not going to happen. I am also constantly on the road and hotel rooms are so lonely hahaha.
Great topic though

I dunno, how would you feel if you find out your wife was seeing a male escort on the side? Originally Posted by target

I would be ELATED because it would mean she found her fire again...and in a way that protected the "emotional us."

I was going to answer the OP's question by talking about the difference between an affair and sex, but the truth is I don't know there's a difference.

I would be ELATED because it would mean she found her fire again...and in a way that protected the "emotional us." Originally Posted by Bigh1955

Exactly! Couldn't have said it better myself.

What a group to ask about adultery. Talk about a skewed sample. LOL Originally Posted by Omahan

Not skewed...Screwed. lol

We may be a morally corrupt group of hell-bound sinners, but we're working on "loving our neighbor"...so maybe there's hope afterall.

This is a great thread, alot of good responses, many of which I wont repeat but aggree with and feel the same way. I have been married forever and at times feel like an ass but like others and OP, just flat ass love woman, love to please them and flat ass cant get enough. If I could be a male gigalo, I would be, but women just have to wink at someone to get laid, doesnt work the same for us. And as a married man, providers are discreet, so the worry and drama isnt there. With all that being said, it is a hell of a lotta fun on top of that, we only live once, use it till you lose it.