Going back in time....?

"Being a sex worker today is like being black or gay in the 1950's." - Eve Adams

She hit the nail on the head. For those of you that don't know, I'm currently going through a divorce. He's been overseas for years; my children have lived with me for the past three years - my son is 3 years old and has never lived with his father until now (the soon-to-be-ex arrived on January 1st). My daughter, 8 years old, and has spent five of those eight years away from her dad.

I started this 'hobby' when I realized that divorce was inevitable. After two years of living apart, people change and grow apart. I refused to be one of those women that takes her husband for everything he's worth. I wanted independence and an amicable divorce. I believe that two people can get a divorce and not hate each other, I really do. Call me naive, but I am always hopeful and do my best to always stay positive about things and to see the brighter side.

Twice my husband has physically assaulted me. Twice he left bruises. Yet the Burnet County Sheriff's Office refuses to arrest him because HE filed a temporary restraining order against ME first - and I just hadn't been served yet (and still haven't). The hearing is this Wednesday.

My children and I have been in hiding, essentially, since last Monday. In that time, my daughter informed me that while I was in Las Vegas, "Daddy took a bath with me and [my son]." Please note that the last time he was around his children was in April 2012, and also that he's 51 (and she's 8, in case you forgot). I called CPS, but they won't investigate. They had no problem investigating me back in May/June for allegedly hobbying at my home in front of the kids - the allegations were false and the case was dismissed, by the way. Oh, but a 51-year old man taking a bath with his 8-year old daughter is acceptable. Lovely.

Yesterday my daughter informed me that while I was gone, there was another distressing incident. "Daddy let [my son] play with his gun and they shot a hole in the wall!" I thought I was going to throw up. My son piped in about how scary it was. Now you should know that my husband was in the Army for 24 years and that he specialized in ranges - and continued to do that after he retired. And yet he let my son play with a loaded gun. And a .45 no less. I feel like I could vomit every time I think about it.

I'm telling y'all this because I'm in jeopardy of losing my children. Apparently the judge is quite the misogynist. A case worker at a local women's shelter told me that he once turned down a protective order for a woman whose husband had put a gun to her head because his honor was afraid the husband would have to give up his guns and by god, it was deer season.

My attorney - the best in the area (the Burnet County area, mind you) - thinks I will lose. Just because of my job. Because I refuse to quit and because I refuse to lie about it. I do this because I'm only away from my children for a few hours at a time and make 5 times as much. If I worked a "real" job, I would be away from them no less than 10 hours per day, 5 days a week. I took my children on a Disney cruise last month at the last minute because I could. I was gone for an entire week and still had my best month ever. I love my job. And it doesn't hurt that I'm really, really good at it.

So that brings me back to the original quote, made by the gorgeous Eve Adams. I feel like I'm trying to get a divorce in 1950 and I'm black AND gay. At least that's the way I'm being treated. "Lets ignore the gazillion red flags from the white boy - he's a better parent than the hooker."

Things need to change.

But in the meantime, I'm looking for a new attorney - one who isn't colorblind or calling me a queer.

Wow that sucks Jane , wish you the best . Good Luck !

Jane, I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I am thinking of you and wishing you the best in this difficult time.

I wrote this because I know I'm not the first provider to go through this, but I intend to be the last.

Horrible situation. I'm hoping that you'll prevail Wednesday. My thoughts are with you....

The one I divorced WAS a client. He cried on the stand about how shocked and rejected he felt over my 'choice' to return to providing (pending our divorce five years ago). He would hit me/kick me/break my things AND told me then 12 yr old son what I did *in graphic detail*. He broke the tire stem on my SUV and left my boys and I stranded, yet the cops did nothing as it 'was marital property'. Nor did they intervene when I called them twice after he hit me and threw me against a wall. Apparently, he didn't leave enough marks or damage.
I was told by three attorneys that I was screwed and the one that ended up with me, in court, helped me lose.
Not to minimize being raped - but the hearing was the equivalent, on all levels.
Jump ahead five years. I have a life, friends, love and peace. My ex? His life is lonely, predictable and he is the same mean spirited person he was then.

Yes, it is very easy for people to treat us as social pariahs, miscreants, and scum. Other cultures have a very different view of Geishas and courtesans - there is an elitism to being trained, from youth, to fulfill this almost coveted role in society. Is it unfair? Damn straight it is. Are we going to change it in our generation? Probably not.
What is it that Costa Rica, Australia, France and other countries know that America does not?

I would love to be able to offer you all the platitudes starting with, "It will be fine..." but, this is a time for big girl panties, not letting him see the tears, and being the strong, gracious, woman/mommy that you are - even when you are wanting to scream or do target practice on your soon-to-be- ex's a$$. Only other advice is to say 'less' when you are wanting to say 'everything'. Practice that expression we discussed. "Meh"
For those of us who have munchkins and are lucky *cough* enough to watch their animated movies...Ice Age 4 has a great scene where the two possum bros are asked to explain why they don't care that the world is ending.

(staff edit; added YOUTUBE tags; ztonk)

Practice that expression...

You have people in your corner, Jane. *wink/smile/hug*


Aphrodite - who has a colorful pair of Big Girl Panties for every day of the week

My best to you Jane. Honestly, at first I was wondering why you weren't doing more to conceal the whole thing, but stating it eat you did, kudos to you for standing up for your choices and also offering a valid argument to the "system" as to why this is not a terrible choice for women. It's a very brave thing to do. To quote dr. King, the arc of the universe is long, but it tends towards justice". We really do need to start a swop chapter here. Perhaps the first order of business is finding a coterie of attorneys sympathetic to the cause. At any rate, best if luck to you!

I wrote this because I know I'm not the first provider to go through this, but I intend to be the last. Originally Posted by JustJane

I wish you all the best in this strife and that this is the last time for you.

Jane, unfortunately society is what it is at this time but it is people like you, and hopefully some others, who have the guts and the will power to change society, one genderless idiot at a time.

You have my full support and if you need any out of the box or random input, you know how to get a hold of me.

Hope you find a great lawyer who is willing to stir things up as well.

Jane..Hope all works out..

I am sure it will be a BITCH.
.
.I can't say or spell all I would like.

.However The ladies lives would be much better if all this profession was not looked down on...(and was legal)

...They will not run me off till I die

DG4

Jane; please know that you are in my thoughts, and in my prayers...

And also please know that you are surrounded by a multitude of friends here on this board, we are here for you to call upon; please do so...

Combined with the strength of your convictions and the strength of friendships, you will prevail...

Jane; please know that you are in my thoughts, and in my prayers...

And also please know that you are surrounded by a multitude of friends here on this board, we are here for you to call upon; please do so...

Combined with the strength of your convictions and the strength of friendships, you will prevail... Originally Posted by runswithscissors

+1 and then some.

Trips through Hell are better with friends; lean on us.

Texas law presumes that joint conservatorship is best for children to access both parents.

This week, you should expect an interim or temporary order, not a permanent one.

This week, you should expect the court will try to keep the kids where they currently are (the place the kid's themselves think is home).

This week, you should expect the court to limit each of your ability to travel with the children, basically they legally become the ward of the county.

Whoever gets primary custody (in in the interim order) will be required to cooperate, coordinate and otherwise agree to scheduled visits for the non-custodial parent. The amount of time (for the interim) depends on how frequency of contact with the kids. Thus, if he visited 3x week for past 6 months, court more likely to agree that he can see them 3x week covered by the interim order. Unapproved travel and other limits will be contained in the Order.

You should expect the court not to pick sides during first hearing which is more about getting your "family" into the system, expect to be treated as a case number, expect low life bombastic family lawyers (who will make your skin crawl) expect little or no judicial deliberation or even serious consideration this week.

Unless you and he come to an agreement on joint custody, this is going to be a long, difficult, expensive and utterly humiliating process if represented by counsel. Matrimonial and custody lawyers are famously slimy, and "feed on their own" (churn both husband and wife). They know that the more "angry" their clients, the more money they will spend and they are a dark, sardonic bunch.

Trees urges you to consider representing yourself. The law and procedure is entirely accessible on the net and it ain't rocket science. The court itself and the people who work at the court secretly or not-so-secretly HATE the matrimony bar, and they LOVE committed, self-represented mothers and will give you the benefit of the doubt (and helpful nudge) if they feel the mother-in-you just trying to do what is right for those kids.

Trees encourages you and your ex to try non binding mediation NOT at family court but in Capital Plaza mediation center... Its free and more than 1/2 the time a private deal is stricken which would save a boat load of legal fees.

Believe in yourself. Go in there not cocky, but with confidence. Carry with you as many records and pictures as you can possibly assemble so that you can show that you HAVE BEEN the primary custodian and the court will give an interim order that maintains that status quo for now.

Good luck this week. Dress like you are going to Sunday church. Try NOT to bring your kids to the hearing. Don't be scared to describe the children's "expectations" and have evidence wit you to match. BE scared of the lawyers, it is them - - not the court, not the social workers, not even your ex-Husband - - that will eat you alive and leave you broke, dazed and without issue.

PM if you want to meet to discuss further. Stay strong and focused and never give up.

19Trees

Wow. Kudos for all that advice Trees! ^^

this is a thread that makes me so happy I found my way here. Do we love sex? Are we all a little outside the norm? Do we love adventure? Hell yeh! Does that make us monsters and criminals? If you prick us, do we not bleed??? hehehe

I'm at the stage where the hobby is literally saving my life right now. I'm in between living abodes, all my worldly goods are in my car. This time last week I had $12 in my bank account. All my friends an family are soooo concerned because they think I'm broke, unemployed and homeless. Which on paper is quite true. However,in the last week I have met some great guys - many I would love to consider friends and I've had some mind-blowing sex.... and I've probably made more than a lot of my concerned RW friends/fam will make all month.

And yet, with all the fun I've had and the stress that's been relieved I can't share it with "The Worried" because of the almighty "stigma". I feel like I can't be authentic to those that love me because they will be so disappointed and ashamed. That's why I said what I said to Jane about feeling black or gay "back in the day". We have come so far with many prejudices in society... when will it be our turn???

I make people happy for a living dang it!!! I'M PROUD OF THAT!!

We need more people out there like Annie Sprinkle who is trying her darndest to change misconceptions about sex work. Ladies, if you ever feel (like I do sometimes) sadness about having to hide what you do for people... read this list... I proudly check every single one of these traits: http://anniesprinkle.org/writings-mu...are-my-heroes/

I have many whores as heroes... and Just Jane, my dear... YOU'RE ONE OF THEM. STAY STRONG MY LOVE. OXOXOXOXO Eve

I really feel for you. Been there. I can attest CPS is usless and the Family Court system is biased. I found out the hard way 33 years ago that it all depends on the judge you get.

I have seen you with your children in a family setting, away from the hobby. You are a great mother. I pray for the best to happen. That being, that which is in the best interest and safety of the children. You are basically the only parent they have known. The court must take that into consideration.