Pay or NOT to pay upfront? Your opinions please.

Well, just wondering the age old dilemma, should we pay for session, before it starts? This is long post, so forewarned! But real informal. I decided to contribute here from my experience. I do not have any reviews yet (ASPD went down and wasn't in Dallas for last 6 months), but I still want to contribute to community

I know it is dilemma, because providers are afraid the guy will rip them off, and guy is afraid, the provider will rip him off. I am also going to give pointers from my experiences on how to spot and save yourself headache, near the end of the post. Here is my take:

Experience with provider who ask for money before hand:

Now with these kind of experiences, 20-30% of times, I got ripped off. Especially when I was new to the hobby. The provider would say, "I will be right back!", or something like "That was for this and this only, not for FS, you gotta pay extra for that, blah blah" and so on.

I minimized the chances of being ripped off by seeing providers who had good reviews, but you know, it only take on bad apple, to kill all the fun. Happened to me a while back with Brazil. So, I went to her incall, paid $800, then she started claiming that she was feeling sick, blah blah. Long story shot, I got out in 10 minutes, and that was a low blow. I mean it is very hard for a man to tell sick lady to provide, and of course she won't return the money, claiming that she would do another appointment. Of course, you can imagine, she never scheduled. But I digress, my point being that it happened with other well reviewed ladies also (not in Texas though, it was when I was visiting other cities).

Now the 40% to 50% of the time, I had no problem, we had fun. So I blame these ladies for being ripped off (cause they were honest!), I mean because of them, I lowered my defenses, allowing others to rip me off . Just joking, do not take it seriously. These ladies were awesome.

Now the 10-20% who would do the session of some kind, without up selling, their performance is not worth mentioning. These are the hardest to spot, cause they will not just take your money and do nothing. They will have session, but their performance just sucked, or was so and so. They would ask to hurry things along, or their boyfriend is waiting outside, blah blah. You can imagine, that was a mood killer.

Providers who asks for money AFTER the session:
Now this is little controversial. Let me tell you my side of the story, then we shall see from providers point of view.

I only had 2 bad sessions where providers ask for money after the session. Both times, they try to waste time talking, or taking breaks, or whatever excuse they could came up with to delay the BCD. No matter how much I try to get the activities going, they will delay it and keep talking or make excuses like give me another 5 minutes. Once they decided they are ready, , they claimed they can't do bbbj for example and only do cbj. Even though, I made it clear to them that it what I wanted. Now surprisingly, they did not remember! Maybe both times it was April fools day and I was the fool! When I point out that I do not want a session anymore, then they all wanted FULL money, cause I am paying for their time, NOT their promises. So that sucked.

But my best memorial experiences, and best times were with the ones who asked for gift after the session. It is like they knew, that the guy would return back (of course I did) for more fun. Hell. I even took some to concerts back in colorado!

Now the problem is, there are many guys who had ripped the providers off. They would not pay after the session, or ran out on them, or keep talking and waste their time and then make excuses not to pay. I wish I could find them and post their pics, lol. Just joking, but seriously, I don't think this is cool at all.

When providers scams a guy, here is the problem:
1) He is out of money
2) He is still horny
3) Really depressed or frustrated (you know what I mean guys)

When guys scam the providers, the girls are:
1) Tired and frustrated
2) Money loss cause of missed appointments
3) At least not horny! lol (did not mean to make light of your problem)

Now the positive thing is, if providers do not ask for money before session, it is harder for LE to bust her. Not impossible, but MUCH MUCH harder.

After my last ripped off incident (brazil), I decided never to pay upfront for session. You can explain to the provider, that you can pay half of it after 30 minutes or even 15 minutes, but you cannot give money before anything happens. In other words, negotiate. Best thing to do, is explain to her before the session, when making the appointment. This way you do not waste her time or yours.

Now the pointers on how to find scammers. Lot of this is common sense, but you may find something useful. REMEMBER, previous sessions, do not guarantee that she will not rob you this time:

1) Avoid CL or Backpages, it reduces your chance of being scammed a lot.
2) Get 2 phones. They are cheap, but you gotta have hobby phone. If she is from Backpages, or CL (cause you could not find time to setup appointment with well reviewed ones, one of those emergencies). Call and set up an appointment, say at 1pm for one hour, for example. Use the other phone after a while and try to setup another appointment for say 1:30pm. If she is legit, she will NOT set an appointment with you, cause she already has set one up. If she is scammer, trying to get as many guys as possible, she will have no problem. Then just STAY AWAY from her.

3) Her attitude, is she being bitchy and controlling? (you can imagine the rest of the appointment with her). Is she making lot of stories and excuses for anything that is out of normal. Like why she used fake pics, or old pics, etc. If she is already lying to you before you even start anything, you bet it is not going to stop.

4) Is she trying VERY hard to make you pay upfront(swearing on her child, grandma, or her pimp daddy!), etc. Really trying TOO hard to convince you that she is legit, if only you will give her the money, everything would be just fine. Some girls are very smart, they will start with SOB story to get you emotionally connected, before robbing you

5) Promising that she will be right back! (100% rip off, lol, I know, but I was newbie when that happened)

6) Another good one, she says that you can give money to her friend or driver, and not to her. She will stay right with you, so you know you can trust her. It is very hard to say no, if her 'other friend' is VERY hot spinner....Do I have to explain this one?

7) Even if she don't run off on you, she is taking other calls, or wanna chill out for like 20 minutes. Or use any excuse to keep delaying BCD. If she dodges you twice, then you might as well cancel the session. Cause she will use every excuse and blame this as your fault. That you were too pushy (you are sitting there like a fool for 45 minutes and keep asking to start BCD, but remained patiently quiet with her cause she keep asking for another cigarette or 5 minutes, is not pushy. But since you keep asking every 5 minutes for last 45 minutes to start BCD, makes you pushy in her book). Happened to me only 3-4 times in last 10 years. Now I know, some providers do want to chit chat, but come on, spending 20-30 minutes to feel the guy in one hour session, is a rip off. Unless you prefer it that way, then it is not a problem

8) She keeps texting, going to bathroom to make calls so you cannot hear her, is another way for her to kill the session. Even if something happen, I promise you, you will NOT want to see her again anyways

9) If you love to do CL and Backpages a lot (not recommended), get a hobby buddy. Do not do it alone. Period. He is the guy who will watch out for you, in case she calls her big bad boyfriend, pimp. Sometimes, they will get you in the door, and would not let you out! Lock you in. Happened to me in early days of hobby twice. You can imagine, I was having heart attack. If I had a buddy, he would knock or checkup if I do not text or let him know everything is ok. There was one, where she says she will ride with me to ATM, to make sure I do not ran off on her! She was asking me to hand her driver license or my credit card before she would let me out, as a assurance that I will be coming back. So be careful. I had to to pay her $100 just to get out of her hotel room! All cases, they were from the observer (when aspd wasn't that much known)

0) Best of all, this one guarantees that she going to rob you 100%. She changes her attitude. For example, previously you had several sessions with her. She never ask you for money upfront. Now, suddenly she is asking you that you HAVE to pay upfront. When you try to explain, that don't we know each other by now? Why change of heart this time? She will explain that she had previous guys who were her client for years and they turn on her, so now she wants to make sure nothing happens. My advice, let her go. I have not met 1 provider, who did not ran off, once she start using these excuses. You know she is up to no good. I even had reviews about it in good old aspd

11) Feel the girl when you talk to her on the phone, is she friendly? Is she bitchy? Do you hear other phone ringing in the background? Pay attention to your environment, when you meet her. It helps a lot

12) You seen her bunch of times, she is like the fiend you always wanted to have, you know, the one-hot, not string attached, and gives world class blowjob! Then she calls you, with SOB story, that she needs quick money for rent, electricity, car payment. My advice, ask for collateral (more expensive then your paying for so you can sell it and get your money back), or ask for special sessions. Period. I know, some guys got paid back, but many will be suckered. If you have to give her quick loan, do it with gift in mind. Assume 80% of chance that she will not pay back. Otherwise, do not loan her.

13) Let say, you make a deal with provider. An awesome deal. For example, she charges $$$$$ for an hour, but for you she will do 4 hours for really good price, like $500. I am using numbers out of the aie, it could be anything. When you meet her, everything seems ok, But something like this comes out of her mouth "You know, I am giving you very good deal. You should be great-full. I had guys paying me $700 an hour!" Or "I came all the way here, had to do this or that, I could have been making $$$ if I wasn't with you!" Remember, she made the deal with you! She did not have to accept it, once she did, she is NOT doing you any favor. No more than you are doing her any favor. If something like this happens, do not get frustrated or angry....just BAIL OUT. Period. Trust me, only 10% are salvageable situations. Chances are, that things are only going to go downhill.

14) For god, buddah, or whatever you believe in sake. DO NOT invite providers to your home, thinking that since your wife is away, you can now do that 18 year old spinner over that pool table like you always wanted. I read one review somewhere, on how this guy used CL and invited 2 18yr olds to his home. They actually robbed him (just cash money). He couldn't call the police or kick them out of his home cause they could make scene in his neighborhood, and that would get back to his wife.

15) Do not do 3-some with providers you haven't seen before (especially one from CL or backpages). They will gang up on you, and there is nothing much you could do about it. Didn't happen to me, but to a known reviewer in another hobby board

Now sometimes, you know you were fooled. No matter how many precautions you took, you realize that she has your money (little head thinking), and just wasting your time. Do not try to save the session, if thing start going downhill, just split. Money is not worth your life. Shit happens, and that is all you can do. All my advice, reduce your chances of getting ripped off, but there would still be a time, when she got you

Only tip I know for providers to know if guy is going to rip her off, is when he says "Stay right here, I will be right back from my car." Had some providers telling how they got ripped off in good old aspd. There are other methods. My advice, screen the guy. If he has seen at least one good known provider, chances of him ripping you off goes down a lot.

I hope to get some reviews in soon, if you have any more pointers, please provide. I hope this post becomes a sticky! . We can always hope! hehe

Now, this is all advice, most applicable to Backpages and CL girls. None of it could apply to you. You could be a lucky one who never got ripped off. In that case, gimme your number! Lol! You setup the appointment and I will show up, ride on your luck! Just joking. Just trying to say, I hope no one get offended by this, it was never my attention
Donnie Brasco's Avatar
I see a shitstorm coming, better cover up.
I leave the "donation" in an unsealed envelope and put it on the counter or table before BCD activities begin that way we both know it is there, she does not touch it until after I leave and if you short the lady their requested "donation", good luck getting other providers to see you, you have been blacklisted. You have to wait to newbies come in that are ignorant of reference checking.
Good tip. +1 for that.
I totally agree with Nice! My experience with BP has always sucked....EVERY time the girls were not the same ones as advertised in the pics...EVERY time...most of them advertised GFE, but NONE I've experienced deliver that...NOT ONE YET! My most recent dealings with BP involved a girl that wanted $200 for GFE...I said fine, but that I want MSOG...she said she needed a tip...I said "of course, but why don't I tip you when we're done". She said "No, I've been ripped off before, blah blah blah". So I gave her an extra $100 up front...she was cute for sure...seemed honest about following thru. Bottom line, I paid $300 for a CBJ...that was IT! No kissing, nothing, nada. After I popped my top on the CBJ, she got up, got dressed and bragged that she hadn't had sex with 1 guy that contacted her from BP in 2 years. I felt like a sucker and BP is forever blacklisted by me....$300 is an expensive lesson in my book! I tried to find her posting to do a review, but couldn't remember her name, but if I see it again I will absolutely post a review. BTW...this happened within the last 6 weeks so I'm sure I'll find her and post about her...only P411 for this dude now!
friendlyguy77's Avatar
All you needed to say is stay off BP. The rest of this is a waste of time to read. Reputable providers don't pull any of this crap, and it's not hard to do your homework. Next time you get an itch for an 18 year old spinner on BP, just go in the bathroom and rub one out. Problem solved.
I can't speak for CL or BP, because, I don't visit those. What I will say, well established providers with a good reputation... you pay before you play.

Trooper H
daty/o's Avatar
Tell me you're not talking about the adorable little Brazil that I haven't had the pleasure of yet?
Unfortunately, as I said before, sometimes reputable providers would even pull the game. Since they know that they have sooooo any reviews, one bad review won't effect them, too many white knights would defend them! My first rip of from reputable provider was a girl from TVI Girls agency, back during ASPD days. The agency, kicked the girl out, and were very sorry about bad service. But in return, all they were offering was $50 discount! I lost $1k, and all they offer was $50 discount, lol.

About Brazil, she seems like hit and miss, going through the phases. She had been very nice to me before and never asked money upfront. She was being a good girl. But then she did 180 last time and asked for money upfront! Bad bad girl!. She was not afraid of bad reviews. She even admitted how easy it was for her to go and put her own reviews! But I digress.

I am just saying, if you have seen her before, don't stop on my count, but be firm that she should be a good girl and don't ask money upfront . Else bail! If I feel the urge to see her, my rules definitely would be no money upfront with her.

I had this girl (not brazil) ripped me off before, pull the old trick of not coming back. Well she must have blown that money in 1 night cause she call the next day and started crying and apologizing and all. I decided to see her again (was in small town, no good providers were there) But this time, I insisted, no money before we play. She tried several times that she had a son (a lie), blah blah, but I insisted on no, because she used all the credit with me already. I told her, all I am hearing is words and promises, but no action. I am a nice guy, who would have loved to helped her out, but not anymore. So she finally decided to do the session. I paid her after we were finish. For a while I had a thought of not paying her 100%, take some money off cause technically she still owed me. However, deal is a deal, if I wanted to give less money, I should have been upfront about it. So I paid her full. She never gave trouble again. But then again, I will never suggest this route to anyone. I was at small town, where it is impossible to find good providers (hell even bad ones were not that many), so she was the best at that time and place. If it had happened in Dallas or Houston, I would have blacklisted her immediately. Too many great choices here


My most important advice:
Keep your conscious clean. Do not let it bother you. If you already have promised that you will pay $500-$800, whatever. Keep your words, be a man. Because our words is the only thing we have control over, nothing else. So be honest and pay the poor hardworking girl. In fact, since she trusted you and didn't ask for money upfront, pay her extra. Even measly $20 extra will really put some smiles on her face. Consider it charity money well spent! Whatever way session went, be nice to her near the end. Offer any wine, messages, blah blah. It is time for you to take take of her. Be respectful and leave her with something (good memories) that make her want to see you again

That reminds me of another philosophical thought which came in my mind, it is about guys who are good to providers, take care of their needs (not talking financially), and actually try to make then orgasm in bed, the best they ever had, period. Would their own relation will get better with civilian girls? It is good topic, I will start another thread for that one!
sky_wire's Avatar
The OP gets an award for the longest post.
OldGrump's Avatar
You can use BP or CL to find a good massage, if you are careful. Some may include extras.

Some well established providers occasionally advertise on BP, but you don't know if they are "well established" if you don't use P411 and/or ECCIE.

If you do proper research on ECCIE (read provider posts and reviews) you will never be surprised in the session (unless you are a complete asshole & deserve "different" treatment). From this, you will also know how payment is to be made.

Just curious, the OP commented that an $800 session bombed after 10 minutes. Where did he find a provider in this price range that wouldn't fulfill her offer? Sounds strange to me. I'll never be able to afford that level of service, but I would expect a stellar reputation to go along with the price or I wouldn't be there in the first place. And those with stellar reputations didn't get them by screwing their clients the wrong way.

I usually pay after the session. Granted, I prefer FBSM so the activities and procedures are a bit different. However, I would not object to paying up front to any of the ones I've seen if that was their preference. And I would do so with complete trust because I have reliable resources available right here.

Now I would post the word "research" several hundred times, but I don't want to be the longest post in this thread.
Jules Jaguar's Avatar
i prefer for a guy to place the donation on my desk i dont demand it and ive never had anyone not pay me yet even in my bp and cl days but it just makes me feel better to know it is there.
a lot of guys say they dont like bp and cl but all the reviews i see are for bp and cl girls =/
oldmarine's Avatar
I always put the donation in an unsealed envelope and place it in plain sight before any BCD activities and I have never had a problem. Even with Brazil. I wrote a review on my session with Brazil so check it out if you have doubts. The key is to do your homework and stay away from BP.
I agree with 214Jules...If you place the envelope on the desk or counter top, we can begin without it being an issue. We can both enjoy ourselves without the thought of having to get or give the envelope from or to anyone. I don't ask for it, I simply expect it to be there. I don't remind people of it because discussing it at all is just asking for trouble. If a point arises where I'm waiting and the client doesn't look like he's even thought about placing it in plain view (which most ladies communicate in their sites), then the meeting would have to be over at that point. This has never happened to me, and I've never given anything less than what I advertised.

I think the comments made in the original post are full of generalizations that most ladies don't appreciate. I suspect that sort of attitude is one that is brought into the session and would explain the inconceivable treatment that was received in the past. The point is...if one respects the other in total, then its usually returned. Try it. Its helpful.
Jasser's Avatar
I've never had anyone ask for the donation. I always put the gift on the closest desk when she arrives/I arrive.

I've only had one lady count it in front me.