Mountain of Meat

I am laying here in bed watching my mountain of man meat slowly erode away.
I was all ready to impress or "inpress" a lovely lady on Wednesday but she fell asleep and never answered the phone, on Friday another darlin decided to leave town right before my appt, and on Saturday another sweet lady informed me she only does outcalls.
I have had a horrible week trying to get laid. Never in my hobby years have I gone three for three.
When you cant find a sweet lady willing to climb "Mount Ever Fest" and impale herself on your peaks, then maybe its time to hang up your mangos and put the horse to pasture.
Oh, how I miss the easy quick call and setup where you end up having your balls bounced around all night like Serena Williams during a Wimbledon match.
Ah, if only I could find a good set of boobies to give a proper Texas T-Bone titty slap to, that might just help.

How sad...now stop crying, gather up your horse and get out there and find you a saddle you can ride...enough with poor me poor me!

LOL. This is probably one of the funniest threads i've seen in a while. I'm with Mossman stop crying and either try and set up with another provider or retire as you say. I mean what did you expect from this thread? For providers to reply and/or contact you with "oh please don't retire, I will see you today."

Sniff, sniff, thx bros
As I speak I am harnessing up my horse and getting ready to ride out in search of some wild puntang.
Yippe K... oh what ever.

Giggity

Giddy up!!!

Well, drat, from the thread title, I thought you were talking about some new steak place you'd found. I started salivating for nothing.