Anatomy of an Apology

This is what I taught my daughter when she was 11 years old. We are never too young or too old to learn how to apologize.

An apology is five words and five words only.

“I’m sorry. I was wrong.”

Sincerity is required. If you add a pivot word or a connector word and then seek to rationalize or justify your behavior the apology is negated.

If you say I’m sorry but…………the apology is rendered meaningless because you really aren’t sorry….the only important words to the apologizer come after the pivot word “but.” The explanation provided after the word “but” is pure self-serving rationalization.

When people use the word “inadvertently” in the context of an apology the apology is rendered meaningless, especially when they already have made their true feelings known.

Words have meaning…Words can be hurtful…We own our words.

An apology is a tool for overcoming hurt feelings when conflict arises…nothing more. Ignoring hurt feelings is not a solution. The simple act of an apology is a way to gain closure and reset the relationship. An apology demonstrates a heartfelt desire to make things right.

When someone refuses to apologize it is because they truly feel no remorse.

The events of the last week have bothered me. Everyone, provider and hobbyist alike, deserve to be treated with respect.

An unnamed party was disrespectful and offended almost every woman on this Board. I believe those women are owed an apology.

I am certain that few care about my opinion since I am not an active participant on the Board. However, with three posts in three years I do not think I should be labeled a malcontent or flamethrower.

I am not trying to reignite or enflame the debate. That would be a stupid and senseless exercise. In fact, I am hoping there will only be ONE post from ONE person in this thread. I want to see an apology to the women of Eccie. Then I will ask a mod to close the thread.


I will now go back to minding my own business and say a little prayer to ST. FU

I don't know about the second half of your post, EZguy, but as to the first part - how to properly apologize - you are so correct.

It's just that often we "pivot" to explain why we did what we did so the person maybe understands, at least a little, and does not think us a complete asshole. Which, as you point out, is self-serving rationalization. Maybe we also do it because we think just 5 words doesn't cut it, and the person is looking for more. Thanks for the refresher.

EZguy ===> I totally understand your reasons and rational for making this post to include the person to whom it is directed.....
.....and as I mentioned to you earlier _____ I wouldn't try and hold my breath waiting for her reply
those "events" you relate to touched many more people then who posted for a variety of reasons.....
.....thank you for taking the time to initiate this thought process

Well said EZguy. Sometimes life's first/simplest lessons are the most valuable and endearing. I will reserve judgment about the person in question, but suffice it to say, I probably I feel the same as many, many people (hobbiest and providers alike) on this board.

I'm wondering if you really think you will get an apology?

Maybe your little prayer to ST. FU will work with no response...

I apologize privately, publicly I rationalize. Not sure why that is, but I recognize that in myself. Doesn't help, but there you are. If I need to apologize and haven't, I'm open to a whack on the virtual head to point me in the right direction. And no, I'm not suspecting you wrote this about me, it is just my guilty conscience spilling over.