How to Be Safe in Today's World

If your case, I suggest hemlock.

Next time (if there is one) don't use a condom and see how it works for you.

Yssup and I'va just missed it - gritsboy's already got it covered down there in granny's tinfoil lined basement.

Y'know, tinfoil condoms are painful. But when you want to be safe, no price is too high!