Orgasms take place in the brain. A skillful neurologist can trigger a release using an electrode on your spine (or directly in your brain if he knew the spot) while, on the other hand, if the neural connection is cut no amount of fucking (or other physical stimulation) will make you cum. I know of a test subject who could trigger an orgasm lying completely motionless (took her about 30 minutes) that was identical to her physically stimulated orgasm, on a brain scan.
The clitoris itself is the point, the external nub, a concentration center, of a web of nerves that branch back along both inner labia and back into the inner pelvis. All of that web of nerves is sensitive to stimulation and will elicit a sexual response.
So a woman who rubs her clit while you're plugging her ass isn't stimulating
another spot so much as she's lighting up more of the same system you're stimulating in her nether regions. Does that make sense?
It may seem esoteric, since your question remains: "What do you want me to be doing to make you have a good, strong (long pussy spasming
orgasm. But you seem like a guy who might be really interested in improving your skills, and understanding the physical nature of female sexual neurology obviously has useful implications.
Here's an interesting documentary
http://curiosity.discovery.com/quest...sex-fun-videos
It's clickable but you might want to copy and paste.
P.S. Saw Dannie's response after posting -- well said, dear. Per your point about the importance of mental stimulation -- some women can't cum (or can't with me) unless they are penetrated. You can rub their clit all night and get this funny look. I can't comment knowledgeably on what a cock-inside-ya feels like (I've wondered and it must feel great) but I think that, apart from the actual genital contact that's taking place, part of that is "mental" in the sense that it has a psychological impact that helps trigger orgasm.
P.P.S Original Poster: Man to man, may I suggest that you banish the term "VaJaJay" from your working vocabulary? Forever? It makes you sound like an idiot or a gent who stays home watching Oprah. Seriously.