As a provider focusing first and foremost on personal safety...

What comes next in line?

What do you consider more important: to provide discretion to your clients or to provide referrals to fellow providers?

If you could only pick one, which would it be?

And why?

How about if you give me a referral only if I ask for one, or if I'm on a referral board such as P411?

Since most providers offer both discretion and provide references, we don't have to choose just one. To me, they go hand in hand.

P411 is a great, but even there you have providers asking questions of a hobbyist okays.

As a provider, discretion isn't something that should asked of.....it should be something that's a given. Also, as a provider, you should give your clients a referral because you don't own the client. Variety is the spice of life, if the client just wanted one piece of ass, he'd stick with his wife or SO.

If you're unwilling to give references, you're in the wrong business and will not succeed. It takes a village to keep the village safe.

One of the first lessons I learned about referrals came when I'd been escorting for only a few weeks. I was just learning about the fact that a referral system even existed, so when I was contacted by a lady asking for a reference for someone I'd seen the week before, I happily confirmed that I had seen him.

As it turned out, she wasn't screening a new client. She was checking up on a regular who she believed should have been hers exclusively. When I inadvertently confirmed that her "property" had the audacity to stray, she blew up his phone, started threatening him, and in general went batshit crazy on him. Fortunately, she is long, long gone, but i learned a lesson from that.

When I get a reference request out of the blue, I don't confirm the reference, but I don't deny it either. I tell the lady that before I provide references, I must be contacted by the gentleman first so that I know that he has initiated the request. I simply ask her to contact the gentleman and ask him to confirm that he initiated the reference, and once he has, then I will provide her with information.

Admittedly, when the request comes from a provider that I am familiar with and have exchanged references with in the past, I have at times gotten lazy and given the reference without being contacted by the gentleman in question. A few months ago, we had an incident where the reference system was used to both set up one provider, and make it appear as though the other provider had cooperated with LE. Since then I've been reminded to be cautious and diligent about confirming with the gentleman before proceeding.

I also try to let my clients know that I am reference friendly, but ask that they contact me first when using my name, so that I know to expect to be contacted.

So to answer the question, I don't believe that anyone has to choose between discretion and referrals. With some due diligence both principles can be satisfied.

Any ideas on how to not say no; but to also not imply yes?

I think, "I must be contacted by the gentleman first" implies the answer might be a yes, which as a wife or girlfriend, an implication would be enough for me to start watching a little closer.

Maybe something like... "It's not ringing any bells, can you have him contact me? I wish I could help you, but I think you might have the wrong person."

I agree with you Sins, I don't believe a person has to choose between discretion and referrals.

What about this......

If a law passed that legalized prostitution and it had a stipulation in there that said legally providers could only provide one or the other, discretion or referrals, which one would you select.

That isn't aimed directly at any provider specifically, just wondering on which would be picked and why.

I generally say something along the lines of "Can you ask him to contact me first please? I want to be sure that I know who I am speaking about so that I can give you accurate information". Or words to that effect.