Best come back line ever

Police work must be entertaining as well as dangerous.

Recently, a female police officer arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male, fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of the night. The next day, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency and public intoxication.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop, 'You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles or at least I thought there wasn't anyone around' he stated.

Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need. 'Guess I was really into it, you know?' he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching police car and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached the side of his car.

'It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' said Officer Taylor. 'I walked up to Lawrence and he's just banging away at this pumpkin.'
Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence ..

'I said: 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin??'

He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said:

'A pumpkin? Shit ... is it midnight already?'

The court (and the judge) could not contain their mirth.

The Washington Post wrote an article describing this as 'Best come-back line ever.'

Most excellent.

If it wouldn't get me put on some kind of restriction where I couldn't live within 500' of a vegetable garden, I might try it out.

I kid.

Many years ago I frequented a bar that was nearly a duplicate of Cheers. Only difference was that their Carla was much bigger, 5'9" and quite voluptuous. Her rack was almost always on the bring of popping out.

One particular evening she was being oogled by a totally blitzed customer. Noticing his eyes constantly starring at her boobs she said, "So what exactly is on your mind?"

He slurred out, "Ya know. I'd really like to get in your pants."

With no hesitation she answer with, "WHY? I already Own one asshole!"