Well what is a girl to do??....

I know im always talking about references, lol! But this is bugging me.... I seen this client when I first began hobbying about 8 years ago and havent seen him in 6 years. He still uses me regularly as a reference yet I no longer see or talk to him. I dont care about him no longer seeing me but I do get a little tired of verifying him all the time. I dont know him now....and I feel as if I would be held responsible should something bad ever happen between him and a provider I gave a reference to. What are y'alls thoughts regarding this? Am I overthinking this or should I discontinue verifying this gentleman whom I havent seen in 6 years?

Thanks, Gemma

A six-year-old reference is pretty worthless to most ladies, I'd bet. Do you tell them that it has been that long since you have seen him?

A six-year-old reference is pretty worthless to most ladies, I'd bet. Do you tell them that it has been that long since you have seen him? Originally Posted by KCQuestor

Yes, I definitely do. Am I wrong for even replying? I have no clue what they do once I respond to them. And he was a nice guy and safe for the 2 years I had contact with him, but I think I've just gotten so used to verifying him, I havent even paid attention to the lapse of time in having contact with him.... until now.

I don't think that is fair. Providing references is like warranty work. It is part of the original purchase price but after a reasonable period of time, why should you be responsible to take time and effort to perform such services. And as was mentioned, any reference based on meeting that long ago is rather worthless. He could have changed considerably.

Myself, if I haven't seen you within 6 months, no reference given from me. Now, I do make exceptions for certain gents.

Hell, I had a guy contact P411 today and used me as a reference. He wrote down in his application that he hasn't seen me since 2006. LMAOOOOO Wanna take a guess on how I'm going to respond to that request? I have no clue who he is.

Yea, I tend to agree with you both. Im sure he is still harmless as I read the reviews he writes, but on another note I also feel he takes for granted that I will just supply him a verification whenever. Today I told both him and the provider no I wouldnt verify him and I felt like a bitch lol.

from a guy's point of view I would only ask for a reference from a provider I have seen recently... and more than 12 months is too long...

Pretty weird you haven't seen him in a date for so long and there are people actually still accepting it? This is one major reason I try to tell anyone using me as a reference it's only good for 6 months-1yr from our late and HOPE ladies will check with me if i'm being used as a reference.

You are NOT responsible for what happens if he's using you as a sole reference or even one of many after not seeing him for 6 yrs. Have you told him directly within the last 6 years to STOP? You should've stopped verifying him/giving him a thumbs up like 5 years ago really (jmo). Really after 1yr it's just not right to me to give the green light after 6 months-1yr because it's just not that fresh anymore. Everything has a reasonable expiration and 1yr MAX is enough.

I know im always talking about references, lol! But this is bugging me.... I seen this client when I first began hobbying about 8 years ago and havent seen him in 6 years. He still uses me regularly as a reference yet I no longer see or talk to him. I dont care about him no longer seeing me but I do get a little tired of verifying him all the time. I dont know him now....and I feel as if I would be held responsible should something bad ever happen between him and a provider I gave a reference to. What are y'alls thoughts regarding this? Am I overthinking this or should I discontinue verifying this gentleman whom I havent seen in 6 years?

Thanks, Gemma Originally Posted by Gemma34

I totally agree. I admit I'm wrong. He was so good and loyal to me in ways I wont go into detail about....buuuuttt, that doesnt mean I owe it to him to keep verifying him. And my fellow providers should have replied to me regarding this long ago. And I should be looking out for them at all times. Aaarrrgggghhhhh. I hate admitting my mistakes. I will say he is a long time hobbyist but I dont really know him anymore....

I think a qualification of the reference could be in order if he is an active member of this or other sites. Something like "I saw him 6+ years ago and he was ok", it would leave it open ended and the other girl should probably check a couple more refs if she didn't feel comfortable.

Since you did "re tire" a couple of times it could have made it more difficult to see you again.

Would you see him again if he did call and want to meet?

As a community, if we were to come up with a Statute of Limitations on how long you can use that provider as a reference, how long do you think that provider should vouch for you? After how long would it be fair for her to discontinue vouching for you? And why?

At a minimum, I would tell the person asking for the reference that you haven't seen him in X amount of time if it's been a while.

At a minimum, I would tell the person asking for the reference that you haven't seen him in X amount of time if it's been a while. Originally Posted by JonSnow

I totally agree and I always do that, in fact....Im pretty informative in my responses when it comes to providing references but I still think about it constantly, and wonder if ladies even care about that.

Does it matter if they care about it? You made the disclosure, it's up to them to attach whatever importance to it they want, isn't it? So you did your part, why sweat it?

Gemma, it takes a lot of time to handle the business and administrative side of what you do. This guy is abusing your good nature and wasting your time. If he is seeing other ladies,he needs to use them as references from now on.