ABQ- Episode 4 "Now or Never"

If you missed Episode one, two and three please go ahead and read It before starting Episode four. Otherwise none of this is going to make any fuckin sense.

Drama...aint no drama like what ABQ has gone thru. Feel me?

Disclaimer…. This is for entertainment purposes only anything else that happens between the author and the reader is purely fictional in nature. This is purely fictional dramatic tale or is it?. End of Disclaimer.
This aint no PG rated post- Reader discretion is advised. Seriously I mean it!

For those having Breaking Bad withdrawal maybe these episodic posts will help. Even though they are cliff notes versions. Enjoy!

In this episode ABQ meets his true love but how long will that last?

“You're in, vato! Welcome to the gang! Let's FIESTA!!! I've got a bottle of tequila with your name on it, vato! Come on, don't be a maricon, eat THE WORM!!! That's it, ESE!” My cousin tells me as we are at a strip club in el Paso looking at some named women parading back and forth in the VIP area. His full name is Patricio Cabron Sucio. Since he is in the organization which cannot be named by me for my own personal reasons I refer to him as just Cabbie. But he hates that and for some reason he likes to put two r’s in his name so that when people call him Cabrron the R rolls out the individual’s tongue. Says it is a sign of respect.

“Me and the people you work for… ABQ has to stop as he sees a girl with an ass for an onion. I turn around and tell her

“¡Estás bueno/a!” I turn my attention back to my Cousin. “We have history and not in a good way.

“Hablas cuando las gallinas ese.” You did it and now Don Fernando has some respect for you. But you do have to be a bit of a Lambeojo. “He tells me. For those unfamiliar with that word it means Used to refer to a person that bends over backwards for others to receive a favor. Of course he says this then puts a hot latina’s tit in his mouth. After a minute to turns his attention back to me.

We have heard about your problems with the Marshalls In the Tone. But damn ABQ you got some skillz. ¡A galletazo limpio!. We heard you beat the ever living shit out of one of em. But cuse ¡A juyir, Crispín!. Only can run so far. We can help but you got something we want and in return Fernando tells me he can help you here in El Paso. But you gotta come back to the Juarez.”

I shrug as realize I know what they want from me. Something I have been working on.

“But cuze ¡No jodas!. Comprende…yes you are la familia but that can only go so far with what you did. I saved your azz last time. Otherwise you be six feet under. So you want my help you gotta do the right thing. Pa'tras como el cangrejo. You hear me cuze. No more going backwards. Do not be a Pendejo about this. It could be a win-win for all involved. But you have to do what is right. None of this ¡Te cagaste del miedo! You shitting your pants in front of Don Fernando…comprende.”

I still remember my phone conversation last time I talked to Cabron. I told him ¡Vete pa'l carajo!. For you homies that do not know it means go to hell.

“Until we help you tomorrow Cuze you can either Una paja in the back or fiesta with me with these hot biatches! We both know it is a no-brainer just like what we ask and want of you.” He speaks a bit louder and leans toward me.
All I can think of right now is one word for this pussy. Zángano means denotes a worthless idiot. Used to describe a female or male that is acting stupid or foolish. I say this because yes he is family but also he has turned to the organization which not be named. He is one of them and he wants me to join them. Or at the very least they want that I know. If I do that my straight and arrow ways officially hits the crapper. Fuck! I know time is running out for me to make a decision. ¡Y se le(s) está haciendo tarde!

Next Day-

“Are you flippin serious ABQ. I drag my ass all the way down here from the Tone. You realize how long of a drive it is for me. Hell that is a long motherfuckin drive. For what so you can steal a few boxes of cheetos…bro? I mean why not go back to the Tone and do that?” Skinny Pete says.

“Cause them US Marshalls are after me that is why. They will not give up on the ABQ. Bad blood never runs dry. Ya here me, Yerba mala nunca muere. Plus the boys in Juarez told me I had to do something for them in return for helping with this little cheese hunt of mine.”

“Speaking of that your Boy Michael came to my place like four days ago and scared the ever living crap out of me. My heart was racing so fast when he showed up. I thought mi little operation was dead in the water before serious cheddar was being made.” Pete says.

“What did he want?”

“What do you think? He came in and put his face in my grill. He was violating mi personal space n shiz. I was mad trying to jet outta there. Thought at first when the knock on my door that it was the Po-Po. I would have been fucked so far up the ass that my whole internal body would have been cleaned. Ya hear me ABQ. I thought they were after the paper before I answered the door. He wanted to know where you were? That for me to tell you that you can run but cannot hide from him. I wanted him to roll-out of my crib. Ese you need to take care of that guy otherwise he is going to be back and I do not want him to call the 5 0 5 on my ass and my side gig will be figured out.” Skinny Pete tells me then takes a another big helping of his large blizzard.

Yes we are sittin at our favorite hangout Dairy Queen even though we are in a different city. “I will call Paltel again and get some advice.” I say munching on the second of my three hot dogs. “What side gig?”

“Dude I was ass out this month in the funds you know. But I came up with a brilliant idea for this white boy. My black girlfriend called me an asshat last week. Found out on the net it meant an idiot. But she said it after an argument with her face all up into mine then I got an idea. Beauty supply store break-ins. I don't want the cash or extra conditioner. I came for the hair.”

“What are you like fuckin insane Pete?” I say almost choking on my hot dog.

“Here me out ese. Two words…Hair weaves. This is the top-of-the-line hair. It's very expensive. One piece I got was probably 22 inches. That right there I sold for about $160.00. You'll need two for a full weave. That's more than $300. Hair extensions are still en vogue. That's largely why I started this little part time gig. Here is where it gets even better ABQ. Hair weaves are nearly impossible to track. So entrepreneurs like me often pull up to a local park, open the trunk, and quickly sell their goods. And unlike drugs, police can't arrest someone just for having a lot of hair in their car. It is fuckin brilliant if I do say so myself.” Skinny Pete lets out a big smile as he finishes his hair weave tangent.

“So you are going into black areas and robbing hair salons for cheap hair?”

“You know it.” Smile on Skinny Pete does not go away.

“You racist fuck. Crime is not predicated by race, rather poverty, lack of access to jobs, lack of education, etc. are the true culprits. Crime, specifically theft, can happen in any neighborhood. It just so happens that these types of 'smash and grabs' of yours typically occur in areas with high poverty rates. You cannot make the correlation that high crime in an area = Black community. That's a gross generalization and it's offensive. You are stealing because it is easy for you. Taking things from small business owners in high poverty sections because you can?

Since poverty is color-blind and is likely the culprit behind smash and grab crimes and most crimes of desperation. How about you just go back to slingin your weed?” I tell him.

“Yo…yo…yo…dude who the hell are you? So you spend a week at a monastery with a few monks that have very little and now you have the nerve to tell me about poverty? You are cool with me slingin but I do some smash and dash at some hair salons and you act like your damn goodie too shoes brother as a monk. To school me on ethics and what areas I should be in? How do you know anything about anything ABQ. You called me down to hit up some cheetos distribution center. Talk about calling the kettle purple.”

“It is black…dumbass.” I tell him. “On a different note I did hit a hot as hell Latina chick last night. She had a huge and well built badonkadonk butt, fo' shizzle!”

It is 3am as my cuz Cabron is strollin around as there is a new guard rotation. Cabron gets the east side door open as me and Skinny Pete with ninja masks on run inside. Two new guards have clocked in and begun their shift. Currently they are being escorted to one area of the East Frito Lay warehouse. Only reason why these two latino and short guards are cooperating may be because Cabron has a machine gun to their backs. A code is entered and with that a tear streams down my left eye. The door slowly opens as I run inside. I hear birds singing in my head, my heart is not beating extra hard but instead is more as love consumes me. I can smell that special yellow snack and the hot red ones. I tell skinny Pete to help me with a barrel that has one word on it. I drop to my knees first and shout very loud “Cheetos….Bitch!”

In big yellow letters on the barrel is the word Cheetos. Fuck this is heavy. Damn as the steps that me and Pete take are much slower trying to get to the east gate and get out of here.

“Cabron turns to me “what the hell are you two dimwits doing? He shakes his head. “Are you really that dumb? It is a barel roll that somebitch.”

Boy did the ole ABQ feel el stupido as we roll the barrell. We pull it aside the East gate and go and get another one and do the same thing.

“Cmon ABQ we do not have much time. Hurry that shit up.” Carmon barks at me. He looks at one of the trucks just sitting near the entrance to the warehouse. He looks at the guard on the left. “Open that damn truck.”

“No keys.” Was all he says.

“You have one minute to open that damn truck otherwise your motherfuckin ass will have a bullet to your head as well as your friend. You know what this is? Carmon raises the machine gun to his face. You think it is empty ese?”
The guard walks very fast to the back of the truck, fumbling keys along the way. At one point he drops them before picking them up.

Carmon looks at me as he motions to the guard to come back. “Both of your asses on the ground now.” Of course they comply without giving it a moment’s thought. My euphoria is slowly expiring as I make my way up the truck. I turn on a flashlight and begin motioning it left to right. I see Lays, Fritos, Sun Chips, Cracker Jack, Funyuns, Maui Style Potato chips, Ruffles, cheetos, flamin hot cheetos…lots of them. Then I see what Carmon wants… Cheetos Puffs.

“Are they there? Carmon yells to me.

“Yes, looks like three cases of them.”

“Good. Now take your two barrels of cheetos and put them in that truck and fuckin get out of here.”

“Wait we did not agree on stealing a truck.” I tell Carmon. He points to the two guards. Stay the fuck down there. Carmon swiftly approaches me.

“Look I know you were holed up in a monastery for a week and a half and your head is not right. We held up our end and now you need to do what is right. Get your ass in that truck and get out of here. And meet where we agreed to. And tell your rail thin druggie white buddy of yours to help you with those barrels. You know where you have to be tomorrow…right?”

“Yeah.” Was all I could say. This is truly fucked up with what they want with the ole ABQ.

Carmon walks back to the guards as me and Skinny Pete start to put the first of two barrels in the back of the truck. “Now then both of you motherfuckers stay on the ground. Not for five minutes, not for ten minutes, not for fifteen minutes. You stay on the god damn ground for at least thirty motherfuckin minutes. Because if I come back in 30 minutes and your asses move even an inch I will execute both of you pricks…comprende!” Carmon finishes his rant.
“What is your cuz talking about in terms of a favor you owe.” Skinny Pete asks me as we put barrel #2 in the truck.

“Just be quiet.” I tell him.

Five minutes later with Skinny Pete on the passenger side I stomp on the gas pedal and blow thru the gate. The alarm goes off as we speed off. Damn an alarm on the gate. Only Carmon and myself know where I have to take this truck and it starts with the letter L. The good news is I have lots and lots of cheetos. Bad news is I have Cheetos Puffs also. Oh Boy things are going to get even worse for me.

Episode 5- A Recipe for Disaster

Another great read!!

nice one. 5 title recipe : you didn't try to steal the recipe for cheetos did you?
You think the marshalls are bad don't mess with frito lay.

Nope it actually has nothing to do with stealing the Cheetos recipe. Originally the Frito Lay distribution center scene was very long so I had to cut it down otherwise we were talking about sixty paragraphs.

The question from Episode #4 is what does the Cartel want with ABQ. What is in the truck that is so important to them and how does ABQ tie into this whole plan. Stay tuned...

Nope it actually has nothing to do with stealing the Cheetos recipe. Originally the Frito Lay distribution center scene was very long so I had to cut it down otherwise we were talking about sixty paragraphs.

The question from Episode #4 is what does the Cartel want with ABQ. What is in the truck that is so important to them and how does ABQ tie into this whole plan. Stay tuned... Originally Posted by ABQ-to-tha-210-Biatch!2

Maybe they want to make their product look like cheetos and use the truck to deliver it?

cheetos flavored crack!
cheetos flavored coke!
cheetos flavored meth!
cheetos flavored weed!

wow imagine the possibilities, all the highs, none of the bitter after taste

OMFG I love reading this shit..

ABQ loves to hear feedback like that. Have a tear in my eye.

OMFG I love reading this shit..
Originally Posted by Candi Staxx

This shits hilarious!!

Glad you enjoy my response, tis good reads.

New episode comes out on Sunday.

Awaiting Episode 5 with Cheetos-baited breath! And a question I was pondering the other day: Does the ABQ stand for Albuquerque? Could help explain the Breaking Bad-ness of all of this.

Yes, ABQ is originally from Albuquerque. One of the few times ABQ mentioned he was from New Mexico was in April of last year with his welcome intro. I am from the 5 to the 0 to the 5. ABQ had to leave because the housing situation went completely testicular on me.

Again these episodic posts some will either love them or hate them. Which can explain why viewership has continued to have gone down since episode 1. They are a lot of haters to ABQ that either do not see the point or humor in this. Or think it is too long to read. Or maybe releasing an episode once a week is too much. Episode 6 will be released in two weeks instead of one.

With all that being said Episode 5 is the longest episode yet and ABQ's favorite episode since the first one. Even after cutting down a good 10 paragraphs. I thought about splitting this into two separate episodes but thought better of it. It may require 2 or three visits to finish it. The question going into Episode 5 is will ABQ's recipe finally be revealed. And what will becomes of the Frito Lay truck.

To those that love these episodes and have stuck with the story I say thank You. To those that hate them well Gatorade me!

I figured that was why your handle says "ABQ to the 210."

Hehe

Original ABQ welcome Intro
http://www.eccie.net/showthread.php?...tha+210+biatch