How do I tell her ?

Years ago when dating my bride we discussed the importance of good appearance. She announced that "looks" were not important. I suggested: "Then date the elephant man." Twenty-one years later she is still a babe AND fit. Originally Posted by Sporty1200

and I bet she did it because she wanted to, not becuase you prefered her to be hot babe, right? so howd you pull that off? or did you just get lucky?

how someone appears, which is totally their choice, shows a lot about a person and some of what it shoes is just innate

you wouldnt date a person who never showered and wore dirty clothes and smelled. right?
so why am I a bad person for wanting someone to look attractive and be healthy?
I'm not, you are just confused!

Maybe if I would have sugar coated it a little bit it would have went a little smoother. If you have been together for several months you should have a sense of what she can handle and what pisses her off. You do need to tell her though because if you are not attracted to her she will know something is wrong and maybe start sniffing around for reasons. If you are still seeing providers while you are "exclusive" with her, the last thing you want is for her to be suspicious for any reason.

If you have any hope of the relationship working out, just tell her. If the tables were turned I bet she would have no problem telling you that you are getting too fat. Originally Posted by GiveMeLibertyOrGiveMeHead

she won't handle it well,
She lives in an idealized world and doesnt realize how you treat others matters(shes often rude to people at fast food places or even walmart) my position is, I dont care if they give you attitude, its how you react that matters. Just be nice....

I mentioned a few times about some other gym goers who just made me laugh.
the obese person in all spandex
the trainer making an obese man do jumping jacks(wtf?)
she got mad at me for mentioning that fact these people were obese
I know where this comes from,
She smokes(not ever around me) and tells me she hates it when people judge her/treating her as worthless on the fact she LOOKS(at 24) like she smokes.

I got with her because she has many great personality attributes, she got with me cause I'm funny(she said) although I'm sure $$$ had something to do with it, since shes 23 and i'm in my 30s and I take care of her.
I hope she changes, if not, I'm not worried about finding someone else to bang

I don't think it has anything to do with the OP being a jerk or liking non-curvy women. He has a right to like what he likes, and have what he found only 3-4 months ago.

If a lady had gained the weight over a 25 year marriage, and is close to 60, you might expect that, and even be ok with it. This would not work for me if it had happened over a 3-4 month period. What does he have to look forward to in a year?

Also, fast food and deserts? Ugh! We all like to indulge. I am a total sweet tooth. And, I am nowhere near thin, but making a diet out of fast food. Gross. Don't you feel, so sick and have a stomach ache after?

I would just encourage a healthy diet and put emphasis there, and some of the other ladies gave good advice about the gym. hmmmm... good luck love.

I don't think it has anything to do with the OP being a jerk or liking non-curvy women. He has a right to like what he likes, and have what he found only 3-4 months ago.

If a lady had gained the weight over a 25 year marriage, and is close to 60, you might expect that, and even be ok with it. This would not work for me if it had happened over a 3-4 month period. What does he have to look forward to in a year?

Also, fast food and deserts? Ugh! We all like to indulge. I am a total sweet tooth. And, I am nowhere near thin, but making a diet out of fast food. Gross. Don't you feel, so sick and have a stomach ache after?

I would just encourage a healthy diet and put emphasis there, and some of the other ladies gave good advice about the gym. hmmmm... good luck love. Originally Posted by Holly Love

actually, I do encourage a healthy dinner, but she insists she works hard/stressed al day and she eats healthy
she wants to come over and indulge to rewards herself for being so good

that's fine, but you can't do it most of the time as the extra fat has shown

that cake/fast food/donuts turn into he yellow stuff,

doesnt realize how you treat others matters(shes often rude to people at fast food places or even walmart) Originally Posted by bigcockpussylicker

This is rich coming from you and how you talk about people especially fat ones.

This is rich coming from you and how you talk about people especially fat ones. Originally Posted by dirty dog

why rich?
where do you see me being mean to someone for being fat or for being what they are?
I don't,
I regard being fat as being like smoking--I'll add something at the bottom
its a choice pepole make to be unhealthy
If you are fat, you are unhealthy,
I dont regard fat people as attractive, but I dont call them names, etc.
Im allowed my own opinions
stuff you dont like doesnt make you mean when you say you dont like it

I don't like smokers and think smoking is retarded, is that mean
nope


I say stuff online that'd I'd say to your face(or whomevers face) because they are wrong or are saying stupid stuff(usually wrong facts)
(or do you have a quote to show me, or you just stirring shit up? your rabies flaring up?

but she bis rude to someone because they treat her with attitude or stupidity. Just cause someone is mean to you, or has a job you think is beneath you, that's no reason to be mean...



Eating junk food, doesnt always mean you are being unhealthy,, if you are lean then that junk food might be good to spike your leptin/ghrenlin,, its a matter of context, are you fat already or lean and eating junk food
smoking is always unhealthy
Here this guy hate junk food and yet got healthier 5/6 meals for 10 weeks and got healthier
http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/11/08...iet.professor/

Maybe you should be the stronger one and do your best not to give in to the fast food when you are with her. Or maybe take her somewhere with healthier options. Maybe since its nice out you could start going walking with her if she doesn't want to go to the gym.. or maybe get her to sign up with you for one of those walk-a-thons or something it may get her into the workout spirit a little more. Or swimming this summer?

Do you know what I do when I really dislike something about someone?

I say to myself, "Is this something I can live with?".

If yes then I shut my mouth, and never mention it to them.

If no then I just decide to not be friends with that person anymore.

I do NOT try to change them, change who they or what they are.

I simply either live with it, or I move on by not having them in my life any more.

In the end it is always the same choice. I do NOT try to change who they are as a person.

I either love and accept them unconditionally, or I remove myself from their life if I am not able to give this to them.

How do you know that she is not perfectly Happy just the way she is/looks right now?

Ponder this please:
Do her a huge favor by setting her Free...

If she is feeling a ton stress from her job then do something she likes that helps her relieve stress. Hopefully that will be something active and outdoors so you won't have to bring this issue up to her. If it is not be honest but tactful about it so it doesn't come across harshly.

If it is an issue for you like Ms. Dahlia said than you have to say something, not saying anything now and waiting until later won't be helpful to either one of you. Good luck hopefully both of you can be happy with the outcome which ever way this goes.

Simply explain to her that though you enjoy some of her personality traits you cannot see yourself maintaining a sexual interest in her if she continues to gain weight. If you go this route I say break out the big guns and also let her know how you feel about her smoking and rude behaviors.

If you are feeling particularly kind you can shield it in the guise of fear for her health. You can also try sneaking some chantax into her big mac. Might stop the smoking issue for you.

if not simply be honest. If she has deep feelings for you she will desire to compromise or accommodate. If her feelings are shallow or uncertain you both will be free to find someone that fits you both better.


If this woman is not your ideal in personality and/or body and you prefer someone who intends to remain "healthy and slim" then shop for your next girl in your local gym. Or perhaps make sure you dictate at the beginning of the relationship that weight gain or unhealthy behavior is a deal breaker. There are plenty of shallow of vain women out there who will find your interest in perfect health ideal. More over a submissive woman will be inclined to modify the whole and sum of her personality and body just to make you happy.

You can be blatantly honest and tell her that though you enjoy key points of her personality you simply do not see yourself maintaining sexual interest if she cannot put forth the effort to be healthier or thinner. If you go this route I would toss in all your balls and bring up the rude behavior and smoking as well.

If she has deep feelings for you, she might be inclined to compromise or attempt to change herself for you. If those feelings are shallow you both will end up free to find a better suited companion. She will find one that see's deeper into who she is and doesn't care about her appearance and you can find a healthy gym goer that is easy going and sweet.

If you are feeling particularly kind you can always shield it in the guise of caring for her health. If you go this route you can always consider sneaking chantax into her food.

If this woman is not your ideal in personality and/or body and you prefer someone who intends to remain "healthy and slim" then shop for your next girl in your local gym. Or perhaps make sure you dictate at the beginning of the relationship that weight gain or unhealthy behavior is a deal breaker. There are plenty of shallow of vain women out there who will find your interest in perfect health ideal. More over a submissive woman will be inclined to modify the whole and sum of her personality and body just to make you happy.

Do you know what I do when I really dislike something about someone?

I say to myself, "Is this something I can live with?".

If yes then I shut my mouth, and never mention it to them.

If no then I just decide to not be friends with that person anymore.

I do NOT try to change them, change who they or what they are.

I simply either live with it, or I move on by not having them in my life any more.

In the end it is always the same choice. I do NOT try to change who they are as a person.

I either love and accept them unconditionally, or I remove myself from their life if I am not able to give this to them.

How do you know that she is not perfectly Happy just the way she is/looks right now?

Ponder this please:
Do her a huge favor by setting her Free... Originally Posted by Urban Dahlia

wow, selfish
I am not trying to change her, which is why I made this thread, to see if I can get her to see the light.

She doesnt have anyone to help her in her life,, I want her to be the best she can be, no I don't like her smoking, but does me offering to buy her patches, I even bought her chantix,(which she tried and didnt like) a few months ago, mean I want her to change?
No, as I said, she doesnt smoke around me, simply because I''ve made her go home when she wants to.
Maybe I should tell her no more fast food, or not let her eat the food, but her eating shitty isnt the same as smoking
I have freezer full of frozen broccoli and mixed fruit,
My fridge has is full of grapes, onions and celery in small bits(that I used the food processer on) and eggwhites.

I don't eat any of her crap food anymore. and I'm losing fat.

I don't know how I can be more of a role model or a place with no temptation.
I'm really not trying to be her Dad, but I have to deal with the fact I like who she is, I'm just becoming unattractive to her bodyl
and your suggestion is dont tell her what you don't like, just stop having her come over.
I'll pass on that advice. thanks anyway

You can be blatantly honest and tell her that though you enjoy key points of her personality you simply do not see yourself maintaining sexual interest if she cannot put forth the effort to be healthier or thinner. If you go this route I would toss in all your balls and bring up the rude behavior and smoking as well.

If she has deep feelings for you, she might be inclined to compromise or attempt to change herself for you. If those feelings are shallow you both will end up free to find a better suited companion. She will find one that see's deeper into who she is and doesn't care about her appearance and you can find a healthy gym goer that is easy going and sweet.. Originally Posted by JayceeRivers

Those are some good points, The problem I have with having a talk with her about her needing to do anything is it usually leads to bBbjcim or fucking, if I wanna, but havent wanted in a bit.

If you are feeling particularly kind you can always shield it in the guise of caring for her health. If you go this route you can always consider sneaking chantax into her food. . Originally Posted by JayceeRivers

This isnt the movies, where I drug a girl I'm into and good things happen.
You reallly think I should roofie my GF? Classy all the way, eh
I actually bought her chantix, which isnt covered by insurance, and she tried it for a week, (which should be longer) and she hated how it made her feel. I actually wonder if it will cause someone to lose weight, though, since you won't get the same rush from eating on chantix. so eating may end up like smoking, just not as appealing.

If this woman is not your ideal in personality and/or body and you prefer someone who intends to remain "healthy and slim" then shop for your next girl in your local gym. Or perhaps make sure you dictate at the beginning of the relationship that weight gain or unhealthy behavior is a deal breaker. There are plenty of shallow of vain women out there who will find your interest in perfect health ideal. More over a submissive woman will be inclined to modify the whole and sum of her personality and body just to make you happy. Originally Posted by JayceeRivers

she is not ideal, not the woman I ever thought I'd even date, but I'm not looking for the ideal women, I'm looking for someone who has the characteristics this girl had a few months ago
this isnt the Coolidge effect http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coolidge_effect its me wanting a hot GF, like I used to have,

Do you know what I do when I really Dislike something about someone?

I say to myself, "Is this something I can live with?".

If yes then I shut my mouth, and never mention it to them.

If no then I just decide to not be friends with that person anymore.

I do NOT try to change them, change who they or what they are.

I simply either list with it, or I move on by not having them in my life any more.

In the end it is always the same choice. I do NOT try to change who they are as a person.

I either love and accept them unconditionally, or I remove myself from their life if I am not able to give this to them.

How do you know that she is not perfectly Happy just the way she is/looks right now?

Ponder this please:
Do her a huge favor by setting her Free... Originally Posted by Urban Dahlia

You took the words out my mouth!! say it again loud and clear...." It can be all so simple but u rather make it hard " in the words of Lauren Hill - which is so true in life.

We should never go in wishing or hoping someone changes... Just leads to disappointment (as it seems is setting in at this point smh). Furthermore, I'm sure she doesn't like some things about you... And if she was to say "hey change it or beat it" I'm sure u will too feel some type of way.

Reading the whole thread.. The guy doesn't seem to happy with his choice. And just my opinion - as a 30 something yr old man... U can't really THINK it can work out with a 20 something yr old woman (on that level at least) ... I can go on and on about that... Again, just reading what the post owner has written thus far... Some things r just not WORTH the trouble... Show your complete honesty with SELF and not just let her free... Let urself free. It will be FAIR for both... But indeed good luck