Many male 'mongers are hypocrites. Should we feel guilty for it?

^ That might be an interesting political discussion. I'm sorry I didn't initiate it when we were face-to-face at that one social!

How has sex work changed your view of men? Do you think that what you're attracted to has stayed the same when compared to your civilian female friends or has it changed due to your experiences?

How has sex work changed your view of men? Do you think that what you're attracted to has stayed the same when compared to your civilian female friends or has it changed due to your experiences? Originally Posted by Blue_eyed_shy_guy

I think it's important for me to stress that I do believe I am one of those rare women who really is made for this line of work. I've been intrigued by it since I was young, in a way similar to Dolly Parton, I'd say, and I jumped in pretty quickly after I turned eighteen. After I moved out of the house and it was safe, I began buying books about sex work: memoirs, anthologies, graphic novels, etc., and when I felt I had gathered enough information and observed the local hobby board long enough, I took my first steps into the field.

As an anthropologist, I love to study people, and I find their darker sides to be much more interesting than whatever they expose to the world. I love collecting stories. I do this as much for my personal desire to learn about another person's inner life as anything. Truthfully, even without words I learn everything there is to know about a person through physical mimicry, which is a fundamental part of giving each client his preferred form of affection. It's inadvertent, the learning by osmosis, but this job is about channeling empathy and responding favorably, so it's unavoidable for me.

That's a long way of saying I knew about men before I started. However, over the years I have built on information, and for all my playful misandry, I realize men are more emotionally complex than they may initially reveal or admit, and I am lenient with their failings as humans, because we all fail as humans.

When it comes down to it, people really do treat others in a way that reflects on how they feel about themselves. If no one takes the time to love the most damaged among us, I don't think those people stand much of a chance of getting better themselves, and learning to treat others with respect.

I don't have many close female friends who aren't also escort/sugar baby/model types, or at least I don't talk about this kind of stuff with women who aren't in the industry because I think they're a little more delicate, and it's really none of their business if they're not willing to pick a man up after he's laid it all down. My best civilian friends (from high school/college) are either married lesbians, or they're too busy being doctors and lawyers and pro athletes. So far I think only two or three women from my graduating class have had children, although a few more than that are married to men. So, looking from further back even, I don't think my attitude of general hesitation towards men and relationships is atypical for my demographic.

I think the dominant form of hostility towards sex work is that it gives women economic potential, primarily, and that we get to control our own bodies, secondarily. After that, the third most important hostility comes from women who I'll class as wives for now, because they see their errant husbands as mere putty in our silken claws. The Wife Class will always blame the woman though, whether it's p4p or civvie cheating.

Everyone knows men with resources have the pick of the litter when it comes to pussy, and it's always been that way. This has only recently come under scrutiny, so I doubt any major form of hostility towards sex work is due to men getting to play outside of the rules, as this is completely within the rules that men made to begin with.

I think it's inherently classist that it works this way, and I do sex work partially as an artistic stance against capitalism, but I think that's a discussion for another time and place. Originally Posted by BiancaBonVivant

Most women here don't want to admit it and would prefer that it wasn't known or they were not reminded about it but Most women here have no control over their own bodies. The bodies are controlled by whatever monkeys on their back driving them to prostitute themselves for money in order to feed that monkey. You may be an exception but i am sure if you look around yourself you see plenty that don't have that choice.

Those ladies, they see anybody and everybody they can and often times compromise their rates and almost always compromise themselves in order to feed the monkey.

A few manage to wrest control back over time but the remaining scars last a lifetime and they never amount to what they could have been.

Thank you for a very detailed, and very thoughtful answer Bianca.

Earlier you'd mentioned that you felt that the Hobby was still within male patriarchal rules..

If you had a chance to "rewrite the rules", what would the new rules of the game entail?

P.S. I know I'm asking a ton of questions here as I try to sort out what I think & feel..Feel free to ask me some questions as well..whatever you'd like to know.

I think it's important for me to stress that I do believe I am one of those rare women who really is made for this line of work. I've been intrigued by it since I was young, in a way similar to Dolly Parton, I'd say, and I jumped in pretty quickly after I turned eighteen. After I moved out of the house and it was safe, I began buying books about sex work: memoirs, anthologies, graphic novels, etc., and when I felt I had gathered enough information and observed the local hobby board long enough, I took my first steps into the field.

As an anthropologist, I love to study people, and I find their darker sides to be much more interesting than whatever they expose to the world. I love collecting stories. I do this as much for my personal desire to learn about another person's inner life as anything. Truthfully, even without words I learn everything there is to know about a person through physical mimicry, which is a fundamental part of giving each client his preferred form of affection. It's inadvertent, the learning by osmosis, but this job is about channeling empathy and responding favorably, so it's unavoidable for me.

That's a long way of saying I knew about men before I started. However, over the years I have built on information, and for all my playful misandry, I realize men are more emotionally complex than they may initially reveal or admit, and I am lenient with their failings as humans, because we all fail as humans.

When it comes down to it, people really do treat others in a way that reflects on how they feel about themselves. If no one takes the time to love the most damaged among us, I don't think those people stand much of a chance of getting better themselves, and learning to treat others with respect.

I don't have many close female friends who aren't also escort/sugar baby/model types, or at least I don't talk about this kind of stuff with women who aren't in the industry because I think they're a little more delicate, and it's really none of their business if they're not willing to pick a man up after he's laid it all down. My best civilian friends (from high school/college) are either married lesbians, or they're too busy being doctors and lawyers and pro athletes. So far I think only two or three women from my graduating class have had children, although a few more than that are married to men. So, looking from further back even, I don't think my attitude of general hesitation towards men and relationships is atypical for my demographic. Originally Posted by BiancaBonVivant

Beautifully said. You do seem to be "made for this work."

I too collect stories. Maybe one day ...

I do not see it as being a hypocrite unless you are fat disgusting slob who couldn't get laid in a morgue and you bash ladies who are BBWs or chubby ... Originally Posted by RALPHEY BOY

Hmmm. We have anybody that fits that description around here?

For instance, some ladies would require much more than $650 to meet with Whispers; and some would accept much less than that to pity-fuck David Duechbeak. Originally Posted by Mr Peabody

So, whut yer a-sayin' is Ah gots a chance fer a pity-fukk. Fair enuff. Ah'll take whut Ah kin git. Jus' so long as they don't pity meh so much thet they cry. But Ah reckon thar teardrops mite werk as lube. Thar Ah go a'gin, always tryin' ta make tha best uva bad sit-chew-ay-shun.

Ladies, Ah awaits yer jumpin' on mah peckerdillo soon. Heck, if'n yer all about tha pity-fukkin' an' yer a Seahawks fan, mebbe we kin git tagather rite now an' kill two bairds wif one piedra!

I do not see it as being a hypocrite unless you are fat disgusting slob who couldn't get laid in a morgue and you bash ladies who are BBWs or chubby. Originally Posted by RALPHEY BOY

Tha only bashin' o' fat chicks Ah dew is wif mah peckerdillo

Should a man with a BMI in the 30s or more feel guilty if he's only physically attracted to slender and/or petite women?

Should he see it as a defect in himself?

I frequently *do* feel guilty, and think that it *is* a defect in myself, but it's also not something I believe I can 'train' myself out of. Originally Posted by Blue_eyed_shy_guy

This is an interesting point, but it's oversimplified. In real-world dating, there are many factors that make people attracted to each other. A weight/fitness difference might be a big factor, but it could easily be outweighed by other factors. Men always forget the undeniable fact that women are attracted to many things in men, and looks are not necessarily the most important factor in their decision. A "fun personality" and "financial stability" and "emotional maturity" seem to routinely top "looks" when women are asked what they are looking for. So, on this basis alone, you shouldn't feel guilty about liking women who are slimmer than you are, even in the real world.

But, remember, this isn't the real world AT ALL. The women I've met here in the hobby have been great people for the most part, and I have enjoyed getting to know them, but I'm under no illusion that they would date me in civilian life. In my case, I'm not really overweight, and I'm not really old (late 40's) but I'm a somewhat geeky introvert with just "ok" looks. I'm also busy raising two kids on my own and don't really have the time or emotional energy to devote to dating. So I'm here to get my sexual/emotional needs met. I don't expect the providers of eccie to go ga-ga over me and get wet the moment I walk in the door. I just expect them to be affectionate, understanding, and sexually available. I do my best to be affectionate and understanding back since they are human beings, too, and I do want them to enjoy their brief time with me. I have empathy for them and am grateful to them for sharing their bodies (and minds) with me. They deserve respect from us, regardless of their looks.

That being said, should I feel guilty about the fact that I am having intimate relations with women who are typically 20 years younger than I am, and who might not find me very interesting to talk to in a bar or particularly pretty to look at? No, of course not. That's why they are compensated in money. The money makes up for the fact that I'm not going to have a relationship with them and support them in other ways. It makes up for the fact that I'm probably not their ideal sex partner. And the money sometimes (but not always) helps them achieve some other goal in their lives, like raising their children, or starting a business.

I love the hobby precisely because it has enabled me to fulfill my fantasy of being intimate with women who are out of my league. Given my lower-than-eccie-average sex drive, it isn't even all that expensive for me. I make no apologies for how I feel. At some point, I may get bored of these younger beauties, "come back to earth", and start dating civvie women who are more age/looks/socially appropriate for me. But in the meantime, I don't feel any guilt at all about the fact that I'm attracted to women who are younger than I am, more attractive than I am, and more sexually liberated than I am. Given that I'm only seeing them for an hour or so, I don't have time to build up attraction from the intellectual/emotional side. It must come from the physical side.

But, remember, this isn't the real world AT ALL. The women I've met here in the hobby have been great people for the most part, and I have enjoyed getting to know them, but I'm under no illusion that they would date me in civilian life.

...

I don't expect the providers of eccie to go ga-ga over me and get wet the moment I walk in the door. I just expect them to be affectionate, understanding, and sexually available. I do my best to be affectionate and understanding back since they are human beings, too, and I do want them to enjoy their brief time with me. I have empathy for them and am grateful to them for sharing their bodies (and minds) with me. They deserve respect from us, regardless of their looks. Originally Posted by astronut

I definitely agree with this.

And at this point, I think a consensus has been established:

1. Bianca is lovely, intelligent & eloquent.
2. Blue needs to stop flagellating himself for liking ladies 'out of his league'.
3. Blue needs a self-esteem module replacement, his old one is effing jacked up to $%^$.


If you have suggestions for #4 - # 38, please make 'em now.

4. ?
5. Profit!

How *Do* you make $14 the hard way?

(Not that I need to, I'm just curious.)

(5:20pm edit: Google and Youtube are my friends. Question withdrawn.)

You need to watch more movies sir.

Most women here don't want to admit it and would prefer that it wasn't known or they were not reminded about it but Most women here have no control over their own bodies. The bodies are controlled by whatever monkeys on their back driving them to prostitute themselves for money in order to feed that monkey. You may be an exception but i am sure if you look around yourself you see plenty that don't have that choice.

Those ladies, they see anybody and everybody they can and often times compromise their rates and almost always compromise themselves in order to feed the monkey.

A few manage to wrest control back over time but the remaining scars last a lifetime and they never amount to what they could have been. Originally Posted by Whispers

"feed that monkey"
"monkeys on their back"

Could copious amounts of calorie laden food be a "monkey"?