Well good news... after waiting until today, I sent the provider I had this problem with a PM asking her to meet me for coffee and talk this out... I also cited this thread and gave her the link.
She PM'd with me a while.
She had apparently thought I was a cop. (boy that hurt, lol)
I've been a member in good standing on Eccie since 2011 and am also on P411 for a composite total of 5 or 6 years. (I dropped it for a year and they started the clock over on me, though I got to keep my OKs and didn't have to reapply)
I suppose a cop could go to those elaborate lengths, see providers, get recommendations, participate for years... just to suddenly spring the trap on someone... but it seems highly unlikely.
Apparently she read this thread and decided I was OK and is willing to see me again and was very sweet about it.
Thanks so much to everyone for all your great ideas, and especially the ladies providing input ... I think this really helped her put it in perspective, and I think she probably wouldn't have changed her mind without this thread.
I really understand getting freaked out by things... this site is a real blessing for both hobbyists and providers to help keep both productive and safe.
Thanks again.