I apologize in advance if this is intrusive for some of you; directed towards those who don't mind opening up and sharing. I greatly appreciate all input.

You are all apart of my " a better man" category. These stories mean alot I swear it. Ty so much for all of your input. And I'm super glad I started this thread. Ty Jj, redrum, bmerazi, and jmcb:::: your words and compliments mean the world. I'm telling you::: you gents are the reason I'm here and the reason I started this thread. Mmmuah.

This is a good thread. It's a question we've all asked--or will--if we stick around this hobby long enough. Truly, I have no idea why I'm here, why I started or why I kept it up. Obviously, something is missing in real life that I find by participating. I've often wondered what it is but I don't know. Loving all your comments, though.

After reading all of yalls posts, I kinda feel like an asshole lol. Cause I hobby just for the fun of it. My SO is a freak n the sheets and I m not lacking anything at home. I just like "NEW" kitty. We only get one shot at this life, make the most ofit and be happy. I know I am!!

SeeMore+Butts, guys are genetically programmed to hunt for new strange. Its biological. We can resist it, but cant change it. So, you are not an asshole.

You are just not repressed.

Gals want to nest. Guys don't. No matter how hard a guy tries, he cant change what he is. Can pretend he can. Can believe he can. But he cant.

I have a SO but all she seems to do is see the bad things in our LTR. Life is not all bad and it is not all bad. I tell her that if life was perfect then we would be in heaven but since we are not...let's just enjoy what we have while we have it. I keep telling her that on judgement day and we are waiting in line to be judged...I will find Adam and she goes and finds Eve...I will kick Adam's ass and she can do the same to Eve. The reason is I don't hit women and we wouldn't be in this mess if it wasn't for those two...

Maybe someday I will figure out why I hobby but for now...I have made friends I love seeing them as often as I can and they won't judge or hold it against me.

meant life is not all bad and it is not all good...balance

Ok. Just saw this thread. Read the first few posts, and skipped ahead.
Ezra, your thread hits home with me. My SO and I get along remarkably well. Except that she has totally lost her sex drive. We haven't had sex in years. So when I found the hobby, at first it was just about satisfying the sex need. But now it also fills the need for touch, and all that.
The SO has also drawn back from intimacy in most forms. No kissing (other than a peck hello or goodbye), no hugging, mostly nothing. As others have said, we are really just roommates.
So when I see one of you remarkable ladies, I am looking for more than just the sex act. When people say that they are paying for her time, that they want the full hour, that is the way I feel. Not because I am being cheap or something. But the intimacy part. Laying there, naked, close contact, touching, etc. That need for human female contact runs high for me now. So I cannot stand when the lady rushes me out, so I can enjoy her company.
Of course, my medical problems are kicking my rear right now, so the man parts function not well now. I feel crushed when I can no longer perform well, so I have been not seeing the ladies recently. Depressing.
(I am going to see a new Dr soon, and discuss this. Maybe there are solutions. And yes, the blue pill worked at first, but now not so much.)
Of course, I will never ever understand why a guy would not be affectionate or loving towards you Ezra. A beautiful charming smart woman would be a joy to be with.
Anyways. Just thought I'd add my two cents.

Finde is right. The biological function of men is to out and impregnate as many females as he can in his lifetime.
Women keep the nest and look for one male to hunt/gather/protect.
This was the case for thousands of years.
Things have changed but the old instincts are still there. So it seems that what men have done is synthesize the
system. We still seek and try to impregnate females but we no longer actually impregnate them. However, our gonads
and sub-conscious don't know that. Our primitive brains think every time we have sex we are fulfilling our function and it leaves us along for a while before the sending us the urge again. You may have noticed that you can masturbate
till the cows come home but you still feel like something is missing. That's the primitive brain wanting us to
actually get out and actually copulate. Women have synthezized the process too. They learnd to capitalize on it!!
So now both men and women benefit from the whole thing. Men get some relief from the impregnating urge.
Women get the wherewith to build a little nest and not need a hunter.gatherer/ protector. Not to say the urge to get one isn't still there tho.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Inchonjoe did you see the thread at
http://www.eccie.net/showthread.php?t=310292 ?

I did now. Thanks for the link to it. Interesting read.
But that was not why i commented, and I do not want to hijack the thread. Continue on with the original discussion by Ezra.

Since you're asking...

I have been married for 15 years and love my wife very much. I have a good job (military) and two great kids. Okay, so why am I here?

I said I love my wife, and I know that she loves me but I'm convinced that what she doesn't love (or even like that much) is sex. She says that she does and I think that she wants to believe that she does, but her actions indicate otherwise.

Our sex life is a once a week at best affair. No oral sex, no foreplay, one position (missionary), under the covers, with the lights out, and she usually wants to leave her shirt on. Now I should say that my wife is SMOKING hot. It is frustrating as hell to go to bed every night with a woman who I desperately want but who doesn't reciprocate.

In all other areas our marriage is great, we are very like minded, compatible people. If we could get past the sex issue it would be almost sickeningly perfect.

I don't want to have an affair, with the dangers of emotional entanglements. I have only actually paid for sex on a couple of occasions, both of which times I was in a country where it was legal. I actually felt pretty bad about it (okay, wracked with guilt) afterwords and admitted it to my wife. She was understanding and forgiving but won't budge in the sex department.

I desperately want to have good, fun sex. I want to have my cock in a woman's mouth, I want to eat her out, to bend her over the kitchen counter, etc... etc... and I especially want to be able to do that with my wife.

So I'm back. I have tried to make some connections happen but, being a newbie, it's a bit difficult. Maybe my heart really isn't in it after all. I still hate to think that the only way I can get a woman to want to have sex with me is to pay her, but there you have it. I also have other reservations about the hobby but best not to get into them here.

So, short answer (too late, I know) is that I'm not getting what I need at home.

If my wife unfroze and developed even a somewhat playful approach to sex, I would delete this account and never darken these boards again.

There it is, that's my story.

Have a good weekend.

d_flem -- I just read your story. That's tragic.

In the 30+ years I was married, the sex was infrequent and mediocre. Since my separation and subsequent divorce, however, I'd concluded that the lukewarm temperature in the bedroom was only a symptom of general dysfunction in the marriage and the pathology in my ex's head.

Like you, I seek the holy grail of a committed, monogamous, relationship that's full of hot sex. Nearly a year ago, I had an incredible session with one of the ladies on this site and thought to myself, "Wow, if only I had a girlfriend (and, perhaps ultimately, a spouse) who was like her in the sack, life would be perfect." It was shortly afterward that I announced my (short-lived, as it turned out) "retirement" from this site: can't enjoy sex that's a bond of commitment until I give up the sex that's part of a transaction, I thought to myself.

Now, as I read this thread, I see how commitment with physical as well as emotional intimacy has eluded so many of us. Thanks, Ezra, for starting this exchange.

Okay, I guess I should chime in as well.
I have a wife who is the center of my life. She is my third wife and a more mellow, affable woman I could never hope for. Our relationship is great. Only one thing. She has no real interest in sex anymore. We have entered a tacit agreement that I can go find playmates as long as I "don't bring anything home."
I guess what we have is a kind of a "don't ask, don't tell" relationship.

One reason our relationship (over over 35 years - with 19 of the most recent years married) has worked is that she and I trust each other. She trusts that I will never leave her (never, ever will I), she trusts that I mean it when I tell her I love her (I really do). She trusts that I will always "come home" (I always will). I truly want to spend all the time I can with her so my hobbying is done during the week - rarely during a weekend unless she goes out of town.

But I still enjoy the feel, touch, taste and excitement of sex (although, like several others herein) Mr. Happy has been renamed Deadwood Dick. I love the foreplay and attention of a sexually-charged woman.
I also like the fact that this portly old guy can have the attention of a hottie, a hardbody, a hot surfer girl (*sob* *snark* Vaya con Dios, Angel Grace - OMG what a HOT, beautiful pussy she had!) where in my Mr. Sta-Puft man shape wouldn't attract a momentary glace in the "real world".

I think, Ezra, that if a member of our team meets a member of your team and they each satisfy something in the other (emotionally/monetarily/physically)...the world has come to a wonderful balance - at least for an hour or so.

Wow,

What diverse perspectives from many different points of view.

I guess I'm in the minority in that I have never been married and am not gay. LOL

To be honest, I have never tried hard figuring that if it were to happen (having a steady GF or SO) - it will happen if it's meant to be.

Now being over 50, chances are statistically slimmer that I will ever get hitched. I hate the major end of year holidays as there are parties with significant others that I can't share with a special lady so I deal with it as best I can.

On the other hand, having a hobby experience every other month due to available discretionary funds fulfills my needs and urges. These rendezvous whether they be a massage with a happy ending or full out GFE experience or a quick trist in strip club keep me a happy camper.

I also have the freedom to travel to erotic places in central America and Europe where they are not as tight with their sexuality. How cool is that?

Through the years I've made many great friends (guys and gals) to include the lovely Ezra. She is an amazing beautiful lady inside and out with a great personality if you get a chance to know her and with BCD skills to boot. But I have also met other ladiess who have different degrees of beauty, charm which makes them all unique in their own way. I have known SatinSecrets probably the longest in my time in SA and she is just enchanting.

It amazes me how many folks of different backgrounds find their way into the hobby. I have met ladies who were real models to college students to part-timers who have real lives on the outside. The thing is that we all get what we need from these diversions.

For me to find a connection during a session on a personal level fulfills me in other ways. Though I wish I could hobby every other day, I do what I can.

It's tough that those with SO's who do not have a complete relationship have to fulfill other needs here.

Have you ever heard of guys who set up a sessions where there is no sex? They do happen, all the guy may be looking for is a pretty face with a sympathetic ear.

Ok - I'm going in tangents...

Just my dos centavos, thanks for starting this thread Ezra.

SF

I completely agree with you prowordsmith on your last point. We are still human. And spursfan thankyou for the wonderful kind words and you are right we all come from diverse backgrounds and come for the same thing at the same spot. I am so grateful to hear all of your input and realize that I'm not the only one. It sucks so bad that some of our reasons stem from voids but I guess this is why this "profession" is the oldest and most successful profession in our entire lives. I now view many of you differently and deeply. Such a profound perception I should say. Like I said earlier, means alot to me to know who I socialize with on such a personal level. You are all welcome about thanking me for starting this thread, and I add I am very thankful for such gut wrenching reasons and explanations that you all willingly gave up for us to listen to. After this thread, I definitely feel it brings us all very much closer. I also want to point out and thank y'all for staying on topic and not making a joke or a mockery of my thoughts or others thoughts here. Holy cow!!! No drama here and yet a huge success. I'm super glad I wrote yal. I'm super glad I went out on a limb and told my story and asked for yals in return. I also want to say thankyou and I'm truly honored to you who have pmed and yahood me with your private stories, advice and thoughts. I swear it means so much coming from the wise and experienced. I never knew how alike I was w many gents here. Makes a girl feel very welcomed and certain of herself.


Thank you to all of the gents who shared and I'm still listening and to all of you wise girls who shared and have supported all of us with our reasonings.

Love love.