At that point, it begs these questions. 1) Why is the guy spending so much time with the same provider-- especially if he has an SO? Originally Posted by CpalmsonWhy do some men have affairs with just one woman, rather than one-night stands with a lot of different women? Why do some men maintain simultaneous civilian relationships with more than one women? I suspect there is substantial overlap between the answers to those questions and the answer to your question.
2) If he doesn't have an SO, why is he willing to keep providing a donation to see the same provider instead of acting on the mutual perception that there is some sort of spark and try for a normal civie relationship with the provider? Originally Posted by CpalmsonI suspect in many cases it may be because he's uncomfortable having a civilian relationship while she's still in this business. Or perhaps it's for the same reason that some couples maintain long-term relationships without escalating to moving into together or getting married -- they're satisfied with the relationship just as it is.
3) If the provider is the one with these feelings, why doesn't she ask the client if there is the potential for something more while at the same time offering to at least stop taking the donation or better yet stop being a provider altogether? Originally Posted by CpalmsonSome may ask whether there is a potential for more.
I suspect in many cases she doesn't offer to get out of the business entirely because she still has to make a living and he doesn't offer sufficient financial support that would allow her to quit working while maintaining a reasonable lifestyle. It's one thing to stop paying $250 or $300 every time you see her; quite a bit more to eliminate all of her income.
As far as offering to stop take the donation, I gather that some do. Of course, that can lead to problems as well. If he's not paying, can she afford to see him as often and miss out on paying customers? Will it reduce the amount of time they can spend together because she has to replace the money she was getting from him from other customers?
that means the two parties are spending way too much time together and forgetting the reason it is a hobby. They've overstepped the "rules" of the hobby and are embarking down a road fraught with problems and unintended circumstances. Originally Posted by CpalmsonThere are certainly some beliefs about how to "hobby" that are so widely held that they approach being "rules." Maintain discretion. Don't out somebody. Don't short the envelope. Don't refuse to give references. Etc. But I'm skeptical whether your beliefs about how to "hobby" are widely held enough to quality as "rules." Different people approach P4P in different ways.
There are indeed potential problems and unintended consequences with having an ATF or falling in love. But: (1) many people are disciplined enough to minimize the risk; and (2) there are plenty of potential problems and unintended consequences in P4P even if you don't have an ATF and don't fall in love.
Originally Posted by Sweet N Little
