I apologize in advance if this is intrusive for some of you; directed towards those who don't mind opening up and sharing. I greatly appreciate all input.

And I have to admit, with Many of you who say your wives have just lost it, I'm embarrassed to say, for my age, I have as well with my SO. I have no urge he doesn't turn me on.... Yet my libido drives me hard for others I hardly know and I still imagine myself even w complete hot strangers and I still just love what I do here but why on earth can I not feel this way at home??!! Lol. Sometimes I view him as the best of friends, best of roomates... But I can't get past it. I want nothing more than to be hungry and slutty in the bedroom but I feel like I just can't do that with him. For lack of better words, I feel like I can't be myself anymore because I've taken on this housewife, perfect mom, housekeeper, and modest player at this game. It sucks!! Lol. Wasn't always like this. I guess because he doesn't pursue me anymore I feel like I have to just stay put.

Oh well, I'm sure things will get better,,,, with or without him. I'm young still, I will figure it out and all of these thoughts and stories only help me to progress.
Promise.

Xoxo

Hey Ezra,

Well you know my story more than most. I think you and I have discussed it quite a bit actually. I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. I think of you and wonder how on earth anyone would ever come to take you for granted... but at the same time, I guess I understand how it happens.

I have been in and out of a relationship with my SO for years. Ours too has devolved into more of a partnership than a love affair. There are many reasons (kids, finances, families, etc, etc.) that we continue to trudge through but she doesn't enjoy sex anymore. I know it and she's said it. She tries to put on the brave face sometimes, but it's heart-wrenching to know you're doing something with someone who isn't enjoying it. I feels like I am forcing her and that breaks my heart.

Earlier someone (Flem, I think) said,

Our sex life is a once a week at best affair. No oral sex, no foreplay, one position (missionary), under the covers, with the lights out, and she usually wants to leave her shirt on. Now I should say that my wife is SMOKING hot. It is frustrating as hell to go to bed every night with a woman who I desperately want but who doesn't reciprocate.

That describes my situation exactly, too. So, I come here with hopes that someone will help to make me feel desireable again. If even for a little while.

Ezra, remember when you jokingly told me I was too nice and you could take me for everything I had and we sat there and laughed about it... well PM me girl, it's been too long and you're not alone.

Lol i will email u from yahoo Todd. But I feel ya. I'm sorry you're still going thru this. So did you get back w your ex? Or is this about the same gf? Anyway I'll email babe.

This is a very interesting thread. I've been around the hobby a number of years. I've made some friends, and had lots of fun. I think there are a couple of reasons that I hobby. First, I get lonely sometimes. And I know I'm not alone, I'm a single guy but even some of my married friends and from many of the posts here, clearly most anyone can feel lonely...even in a relationship. Human contact, intimacy are driving needs we all have and the hobby is one way of connecting with another person. Another reason for me personally is I'm always chasing that "most intimate" connection. An encounter may last only for a night, a memory lasts forever and I've had a handful of experiences that will forever more bring a smile to my face. I once had a blissful 3 month relationship with a beautiful young lady. After our first time together I never had to call her, she'd call me at least once a week to get together. She told me she had a boyfriend that never wanted to have sex. It was hard to believe but I think it was true. I think she really enjoyed our time together in part because she knew in my eyes she was extermely desirable, and because I WANTED to have sex with HER. It was a physical and emotional connection for me. I was sad when she moved away but happy I had a least a few months. I'm rambling now...bottom line for me looking for physical attraction, emotional connection, and encounters to make me smile when I'm old. We all NEED that human connection, to feel desirable, makes life worth living.

I wrote a paper on the marriage phenomenon two semesters ago. I too am getting out of a marriage. Yep I started searching after 10 years of marriage. Life was boring, my wife was boring (even though we traveled the world together). She is just clueless when it comes to men and no matter how much explaining one can do, she could not get passed her conditioning. Unfortunately that condition pervades most of western society. It's quite hypocritical. Anyway, here's what my research uncovered:

The average love attention span for humans is about 3-5 years, afterwards we begin to differentiate. This only accounts for lovers, spouses, etc.. not long term friendships. This is especially true post women's liberation as women are no longer stoned to death, outcast, or subject to male domination.

Humans are hyper-social. We are probably the most social species on planet earth. Our social needs are very dynamic and we go into mental/physical depression, get violent, agitated, even kill ourselves when these needs are not met. Included in this paradigm is the need for most of us to have multiple lovers across the span of our lives. Anyone who tells you that humans are monogamous by design is lying through their teeth. That is religious nonsense.

There's much more as the paper was around twenty pages but I think this solidifies the main idea. In my paper, I told the class to never get married. Have life long friendships. Try not to own each other because that in essence is the most oppressive component of relationships. I told my wife long ago that the idea of anyone finding everything they need in one person is utter nonsense. Funny thing is that our marriage counselor agreed. My wife goes through great pains to try to get me to stay, I however am done.

Ok it has been quite a long time since I have posted anything here and after careful consideration of the subject I thought I would chime in. Let me preface this with I have carefully read every post and I can empathize with the great majority of you. I am now completely single and I have seen only one provider in the last year since I moved out of the house (you know who you are). I figured I would become a hobbying fool when the chains feel off, but that was not at all the case.
I think most of the responses presented to EE have for the most part answered her question. We all do this for different reasons, and desire to meet different needs. Looking back when I first found this community (2002) and got involved with it I was for the most part happily married. I had an extremely attractive wife and we enjoyed each other in and out of the bedroom, so I was not missing anything in that area. What I was missing was the chase was gone. Like a poster stated earlie,r men are by nature hunters, and have a need to spread his seed. Now none of that makes it right, but it is just how we are programmed from the beginning of time. I always sought out providers that I thought would be out of my league if I was chasing them conventionally. EE would definitely fit in to that category and while I have known her for quite awhile I have never had the pleasure. The fact that she is going thru this herself is quite unfathomable to me. Even a total package like herself falls into these ruts that drive us to seek out what we think we are missing. I have found, now that I am single the drive is different. I know now that no one person is out of anyones league it is all about the chemistry. I now seek out women that stimulate my mind as well as my body. There are also many fine women in our community that can do just that. I might have to jump back in the pool.
In response to lexxi. now that we are all grown up I don’t think a women that decides to sleep with a man earlier makes men look at her as easy. A women knows in the first minute of knowing a man if she would allow the advance. So why wait? you only live once. Besides a woman that is secure enough with herself and knows what she wants and just goes and gets it. is incredibly hot.

I understand all too well, Ezra. I haven't f'd my SO in 5 years. We're like brother and sister more than anything else. She doesn't need it, want it, doesn't want to talk about it. She has to know that I'm getting it elsewhere but I don't think she cares as long as I don't bring a hard c**k to her. Since I came here, I've had the best sex of my life with the prettiest girls in the world. I would love to have real intimacy but as close as I get is provider friends who show me a great time and spend the night with me when I'm "out of town on business". Now that is great and I'm thankful for good friends! I know I should leave her but we've been together a long time and the family would not understand. Everybody thinks we're the perfect couple. Lol We've got them fooled!

Same here babe. To a T. Lol.

I have been married three times. My first two marriages were mistakes from the beginning and were short lived. I never cheated or hobbied while married to my first two wives. I began to hobby after my second marriage to fill a void. For me, I can go out most any night and meet someone to have fun with. That just doesnt do it for me.
I am now re-married to a woman that I fell madly in love with. Sex with her was completely amazing. We had an amazing connection from the start. Unfortunately, we had some things happen completely out of our control that seem to have changed that. I still love my wife with every fiber of my being. She has turned completely off. Her sex drive is completely gone. We rarely speak any more. We are little more than glorified room mates. I sleep on the sofa and have for the last year and half. I started to hobby again to fill that physical void in my life, but I still have a huge emotional void.
I stay because not only do I love her, but we have kids together. I cannot imagine a life without them. I also know that it would be difficult financially for her (me as well) if we had to try and support two households. So I hobby now to "nut". I long to find someone who I can have that emotional attachment to.
I understand your situation. Unlike some of the other posters (no offense intended) I am not older. I am 35 and feel like I am 70 most days. The pain of "putting on a good face" for the kids, family, and friends wears me down. There are days when I leave the house and just drive around all day until the kids get home from school.
Not sure if this is the right thing to do, but I am ultimately here for the kids.

Not trying to be a voice of reason, or fill Dr Phil's void, but to a large extent it appears we all suffer from an inexplicable ability to communicate our wants, dreams, or desires with those we are no longer intimate. Myself included.

We have either collaborated willing with our SOs in creating a barrier that we feel we cannot lower or cross to regain that intimacy.

Sometimes the SO creates the barrieror we do it ourselves, sometimes the barrier is created by circumstance.

From a male perspective, sometimes pursuing your SO has too many hurdles to jump or two much effort for the amount of return or reward.

I know that regardless of what I do in trying to win my spouse's favors, at any given moment I will say something wrong, do something wrong, or suddenly 'let's not spoil the mood with that' or the famous 'Ive got a headache'.

When I finally decide enough is enough, positive cash flow, time and provider of choice availability finally coincide, I can finally get laid with a lesser number of hurdles, and no 'cock-blocking' mood swing.

Well, truthfully, even that seems to run at 85%. There seems to be this thing called real world, karma, fate, lady luck, or a deity's finger that seems to place potholes in the road of getting laid.

There is one other thing that comes to mind, a misguide by someone, 'Show me a beautiful woman and I'll show you someone that's tired of fucking her or putting up with her shit.'

To be fair, show me a guy and I'll show you a wife and two or three ex's who got tired of fucking him or putting up with his shit.

However there are plenty who would fuck him or put up with his do do for the $ or $$ or $$$.

I am not saying that applies to any one person here, but it has to apply to someone somewhere.

Dogg

Ezra, you are a princess, and you should be treated like one!

Thank you robglezsfo!!! Most days I am, and w my friends here I am 100% so I'm grateful. Just wish he'd tell me I was pretty every once in a while. I'm lucky to have found and succeeded at this part of my life.

Ezra, brains, beauty and skeeeeels!!!!!! great thread!!!

Wow this is a really great thread and I have read every post even tho I have not said anything. Thank you EE for bringing this up. I pretty much quit reading this forum a year ago but this kind of stuff is endlessly fascinating to me. I guess because despite our differences the human element really flows thru all of this and I can reflect and sympathize with so many comments.

I was married for a few years when I was a younger man and when I divorced I told myself I would never do that again for 2 primary reasons. 1) I just adore women and I don't want to be with just one. I love so many kinds and even if I found some ultimate sexy wonderful woman I would probably still be looking after a few years together. and 2) I'm a REALLY bad liar. When I try lying I practically shake and stutter and turn red. Whenever I have tried no one is ever fooled.

So I just have been hobbying in one form or other for 30 years. At first after I got a divorce I had normal dates and a normal dating life for a few years but I couldn't even lie to girls I dated telling them how much I cared about them just so I could get laid. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying I'm virtuous because I'm honest or better than anybody who lies to their SO. Sometimes it's like an affliction. I probably would if I could but I just can't do it. I don't look down on hobbyists who lie because I know if I would have stayed married all these years I would be the same way. So I just live a very lonely emotional life but survive by these peak moments of incredible pleasure with some very nice and sexy providers I have met.

Sometimes it sucks to think of growing old by myself and I even envy some of you folks who say your SO is like a roommate. You may feel trapped but I don't even have anyone to bring me a cup of hot tea when I'm sick. I'm not feeling sorry for myself because I totally own up to creating this lonely life I have. I've passed up some very nice women who would have stayed if I had agreed to a committed relationship. But I still would not exchange the way I live because of the excitement I feel when I enter the boudoir of a sexy new girl who wants to give me pleasure. It is an addiction but one that I am comfortable with. I heard a comedian once say that his mother told him "You are addicted to women but of all the addictions at least that one won't kill you like drugs and alcohol. It will just get you into a lot of trouble." There are tradeoffs in everything and this is the life I chose and even tho I think I could walk away I just don't want to.

Carguy, Ty for the sweet words. Actually Ty EVERYONE for the compliments!!!! You will never understand how glad I am that I started this thread. I'm sl glad and still eager to hear in every detail about all of you because it shocks me how similar and/or how different we all are. I am so ego-stroked here by all the awesome "you're pretty" compliments, but what really had me moved was how all of you enjoyed this topic, shared, and shared, and truly appreciated the thread itself. To pull some of you out of the woodwork to comment feels so effing wonderful to me. I am so glad I shared as well. I'm so glad to hear each and every story, feeling, emotion, and thought provoking opinion. You have no clue how much better I feel after this.


Yes I must sound very cheesy at this point, but I do feel that "I'm awake now" feeling after what I started this thread with. After a while you begin to believe what someone else puts in your head. This shook all of the remains out. I genuinely am so grateful to be one of the lucky girls here in SA, apart of this site, amongst these wonderful individuals in this underworld. Plenty of ladies are not so fortunate when they come to this side of our world::: after almost 7 years (in January) I am blessed to have a wonderful connection, support group, friendship above all:::: FAMILY here. It's amazing, I swear it.

Thank you again for taking the time to teach me, show me and to make me freaking realize where I, ladies and gents, as a companion, a mother, a spouse, and the rest of us with significant roles really do STAND.

I have so much love for all of you.